Fencing Woes

[Miss Demeanour]

So I returned home  late last night and had just been sorting everything out when I hear a god almighty noise out the back about 10 o clock.

I live on an end of terrace ( 4 houses in front , 3 behind) and there is a walkway down the side of my house to access the properties behind. I looked out of my patio windows to see 2 hoooooooge guys shouting and swearing at the house behind me. This is where the polish builders live. No one was answering their door so they started to get really angry.

This is when the feckin bastards decided they were going to adopt a more hands on approach and turned round and started to kick my garden fence in 

The red mist descended and without thinking I went out there to politely ask them to refrain from destroying my property  . Not my smartest move  . These 2 Humungous Eastern European blokes  then started throwing wooden spears in my direction 

So I went back inside and locked the door and called the police. By this time The Brat was crying and all the other neighbours were peering out from their windows ( except of course the Polish builders house )

The two blokes were obviously high as a kite on something and not very open to a reasoned debate  - so whilst they literally continued to tear apart the whole of my fence and throw it at the polish builders house I could do nothing.

They left about 10 minutes later and the police arrived after 20 minutes 

I have had a call this morning from the police and they believe they have arrested one of them  ....meanwhile back in the land of reality my garden looks like a tornado has hit it .....

I have to go and make a statement today but lets face it WTF is going to happen - sweet FA 

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo   mad............and fenceless 

[Snoopy]

Insurance claim?



And time to move up that plan to ................. errrrr ............... move house.

[Nick]

Insurance claim for sure. Take your axe to the garden a bit and claim for damage to garden on insurance too. A hunky man will arrive in tight shorts and a vest and will labour away doing a TV style makeover while you watch quietly through your binoculars.

Top Tips! 

[Snoopy]

Ensure you get a Crime Report Number from the Police ~ your insurance company will want it.

[Uncle Mort]

Nick ~ are you sure that defrauding the insurance company can be counted as a 'top tip' 

[Nick]

Well her fence has gone and her garden 'looks like a tornado has hit it'*. I think she should deffo get a man in!! I am sure her insurance will pay up


















*and prolly always did.

ANd how do we know her fence was in perfect werking order, like?

[Uncle Mort]

I was referring to 'Take your axe to the garden a bit...'

I have no problem with charging for getting man in.

Miss D, as Snoopy has said, it's time to move out. I had similar problems when I lived in Ponders End. My house had an alleyway running up the side and rear of the garden. Often noise and altercations late at night. And the fence got set on fire one evening. The Fire Brigade were a damn sight quicker than the police.

We moved out when the children were born as we didn't fancy raising them in that neighbourhood.

[Bar Wench]

We had the same problem when we lived in Wimbeldon. I can agree that the fire brigade are far quicker!

[Nick]

 

[Pastis]

I had to go to Ponders End once. I thought it was a medical condition.

[Snoopy]

You're thinking of the Balls Pond Road ~ very nasty until they invented penicillin.

[Pastis]

An unfortunate naming there, indeed. I pass a place regularly in SE1 that's no more than a passage, 5' wide and about 15 yds long with a street sign saying "Gibbon's Rents" ... It's nothing now other than the back walls of two buildings but the name conjures images of Dickensian poverty and deprivation. I need to research it at some point 

Apologies to MissD btw... sounds awful 

[Nick]

This had me scurrying into the London Encyclopaedia - which fails to mention Gibbon's Rents 

Anyhoo it commemorates some sort of property ownership, prolly 17th century

But we digress. I wonder how Miss D is getting along with her hunky new gardener. SHe ought to get some HobNobs in.





 

[Snoopy]

Pastis
If London fascinates you as it does me you could do worse than getting hold of a copy of "Do Not Pass Go" by Tim Moore.
Based on his life long addiction to Monopoly he researches the place names of the squares on the standard board by visiting them and telling their stories. He is both amusing and informative. Oh and he relates the history of the board game as well.

ISBN 0-099-43386-9

Or if you can't find it in your local library shout and you can borrow my copy.


Black Boy Lane (like the Black Boy public houses) so called in "honour" of Charles the Second who was known as The Black Boy because of his swarthy complexion ~ I have no idea where I picked up that gem but it amuses me to relate it.

[Nick]

Peter Ackroyd is yer man, though Sinclair's Lights out for the Territory is a good, if sometimes difficult, read.