Fantastic Headlines

[Barman]

http://newsarse.com/2010/08/10/cameron-to-target-people-who-behave-exactly-like-their-mps/



Prime minister David Cameron has announced a crackdown on people who are treating the benefits system like their own private parliamentary expenses account.

Cameron told reporters that benefit cheats making MP-style fraudulent claims, for sums to which they are definitely not entitled, was costing the tax payer £5.2bn a year.

Writing in the Manchester Evening News, the prime minister said that tougher penalties and prosecutions would be introduced to deter people from copying everything their MPs had been doing for years.

“We want to encourage people to shop anyone they find behaving like their MP,” he explained.

“If you’re out at work all day and you get home and find that your neighbour, who is unemployed, is having a leaking pipe replaced on his tennis court, or is having a 5ft duck house installed into his pond then you have every right to be suspicious. After all, you’re almost certainly paying for that.”

Benefit cheats

Multi-millionaire Cameron, who claimed £80,000 in additional costs for his second home in Oxfordshire between 2004 and 2008, has pledged to strain every sinew to cut error, waste and fraud in our welfare system.

Cameron has significant insight into the methods used by those seeking to take advantage of a poorly administered system which gives out seemingly ‘free’ money.

 

[apc2010]

MSN News : 'Staggering Increase In Breweries'.

[Barman]

MSN News : 'Staggering Increase In Breweries'.

[Grumpmeister]

Missionaries to Mars 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1312922/Pope-astronomer-Guy-Consolmagno-Aliens-souls-living-stars.html

[Darwins Selection]

"Sperm over the Internet, men found guilty"

Any chap who can fit his todger in that little socket on the modem deserves sympathy, not imprisonment. 

[Just One More]

That'll teach you to nag

None on E/bay at the moment

[Just One More]

It seems that these days there is more than one born every minute

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

Goverment considers pretending to upgrade Trident

The Government has been considering the possible cost savings in just pretending to upgrade the Trident ballistic missile system rather than replacing it.

According to a statement from the MOD released this week, a significant percentage of the £20 billion cost of replacing the current Trident submarines could be saved if the current submarines are ‘repainted in some smart modern satiny black paint, and given new names’, or announcing that the government has purchased ‘several new stealthy missile submarines, which are too stealthy to be seen’, or simply just ‘telling the Russians that we have upgraded our deterrent and hoping they believe us’.

Photos of the new submarine fleet will be released ‘just as soon as government ministers have mastered Photoshop’.

bonjonelson

[Nick]

Have you seen this lettuce?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1313726/Have-seen-iceberg-lettuce-burglar-Police-issue-ludicrous-e-fit-wanted-man.html

[Tipsy Gipsy]

Have you seen this lettuce?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1313726/Have-seen-iceberg-lettuce-burglar-Police-issue-ludicrous-e-fit-wanted-man.html

 

[Barman]

Have you seen this lettuce?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1313726/Have-seen-iceberg-lettuce-burglar-Police-issue-ludicrous-e-fit-wanted-man.html

 

Is it Mr. Tipsy? 

[Tipsy Gipsy]

Have you seen this lettuce?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1313726/Have-seen-iceberg-lettuce-burglar-Police-issue-ludicrous-e-fit-wanted-man.html

 

Is it Mr. Tipsy?  

  

 

[Just One More]

Have you seen this lettuce?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1313726/Have-seen-iceberg-lettuce-burglar-Police-issue-ludicrous-e-fit-wanted-man.html

Just as well they added "The man has been described as white, approximately 5ft 8in tall and of medium build", saves anybody grassing on one of the many other green haired people that frequent the Stockbridge area

[Grumpmeister]

Funny you should mention that JOM, a few years ago there was  cornish town where a large part of the population ended up with green hair (among other symptoms) when South West Water dumped a load of Aluminium Sulphate in the water supply by mistake.

[Just One More]

Camelford, I remember it well