Fantastic Headlines

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/09/30/commonwealth-games-opening-and-closing-ceremonies-combined-to-save-everyone-the-bother/

There was immense relief last night when it was confirmed that the 2010 Commonwealth Games in New Delhi will be shortened to simply consist of a spectacular and colourful Opening Ceremony followed immediately by an impressive and moving Closing Ceremony.

Organisers decided to pull the plug on the competitive element of the event within hours of the electricity supply finally being connected, citing concerns that firstly the competitors’ accommodation at the Games Village may not stay standing for more than a few more days, and secondly because there’s only so long you can go before a trained monkey security guard cracks and goes for a recuperating athlete eating a banana.....

[Grumpmeister]

To misquote Nelson, I see no ship 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1316517/Ice-boat-sinks-sea-BBC-presenters-ship-melts.html

[Grumpmeister]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/09/30/commonwealth-games-opening-and-closing-ceremonies-combined-to-save-everyone-the-bother/

There was immense relief last night when it was confirmed that the 2010 Commonwealth Games in New Delhi will be shortened to simply consist of a spectacular and colourful Opening Ceremony followed immediately by an impressive and moving Closing Ceremony.

Organisers decided to pull the plug on the competitive element of the event within hours of the electricity supply finally being connected, citing concerns that firstly the competitors’ accommodation at the Games Village may not stay standing for more than a few more days, and secondly because there’s only so long you can go before a trained monkey security guard cracks and goes for a recuperating athlete eating a banana.....

Brilliant article on the express website, let the John Wayne jokes commence 

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/202447/Monkeys-hired-to-patrol-Commonwealth-Games-

Organisers told the Austrian Times that they have also hired an emergency team of cowboys in anticipation of a demonstration by a farmers' group which has threatened to drive hundreds of cows and buffaloes into the city.

[Barman]

To misquote Nelson, I see no ship 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1316517/Ice-boat-sinks-sea-BBC-presenters-ship-melts.html

 

[Tipsy Gipsy]

Was Turner ish, white and wintery bright but there is fog descending now?    Well hair and nails today then i get to collect my new bike.   

[Just One More]

Was Turner ish, white and wintery bright but there is fog descending now?    Well hair and nails today then i get to collect my new bike.   

That's the weather, not a headline! Been on the vino? 

[Barman]

Was Turner ish, white and wintery bright but there is fog descending now?    Well hair and nails today then i get to collect my new bike.   

That's the weather, not a headline! Been on the vino? 

[Nick]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/canada/8037521/Woman-who-shot-dead-her-husband-on-hunting-trip-thinking-he-was-a-bear-cleared.html
 

[Tipsy Gipsy]

Was Turner ish, white and wintery bright but there is fog descending now?    Well hair and nails today then i get to collect my new bike.   

That's the weather, not a headline! Been on the vino? 

   Doh!  Fix it someone I've got nails.    

[Barman]

Was Turner ish, white and wintery bright but there is fog descending now?    Well hair and nails today then i get to collect my new bike.   

That's the weather, not a headline! Been on the vino? 

   Doh!  Fix it someone I've got nails.    

Shant! 

[Tipsy Gipsy]

   Please yourself, I don't mind being untidy.   

Can we have a really narrow eyes thingywotsit?

[Nick]

Nuttio 

[Barman]

  Please yourself, I don't mind being untidy.   

Can we have a really narrow eyes thingywotsit?

This one...?

[Darwins Selection]

  Please yourself, I don't mind being untidy.   

Can we have a really narrow eyes thingywotsit?

This one...?

You took half an hour to find that?

What a waste of trunnion-reaming or balljoint-hammering time on Me-Mi. 

[Barman]

  Please yourself, I don't mind being untidy.   

Can we have a really narrow eyes thingywotsit?

This one...?

You took half an hour to find that?

What a waste of trunnion-reaming or balljoint-hammering time on Me-Mi. 

I was watching the telly... while simultaneously removing  rust from the petrol tank...