Fantastic Headlines

[The Moan Ranger]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1308798/Joyriding-police-officers-crash-suspects-high-powered-sports-car.html
 

I wonder if with hindsight (and re-checking their notebooks) the alleged drunk driver will be responsible for this...?

If a drunk driver crashes and damages his/her car I think I'm right in saying that their insurance is invalid?

However, the car was Ok when he was arrested, then the Police wrote it off. I assume that this bloke will be able to claim fro the damage caused and will also be seeking recompense for inconvenience 

A common misconception - you are insured, however, the insurer will reduce any claim due to your contributory negligence by being drunk.

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/197820/Benefit-scroungers-on-95-000-a-year

A FAMILY of scroungers raking in almost £95,000 a year in benefits caused outrage last night after trashing one home and then getting a new four-bedroom house at taxpayers’ expense.
Peter and Sam Smith have been given the £960 a week property in Bristol to house their 10 children.
The family were kicked out of their previous home in Bath after a wrecking spree caused £20,000 damage and left it unfit for habitation.



Oh joy...

[Nick]

[url]http://www.anorak.co.uk/258213/strange-but-true/half-naked-cumbrian-woman-masturbated-whilst-driving-on-motorway-after-she-wet-herself.html[/url
 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

 

[Uncle Mort]

 

I followed the links (no excuse ~ prurient interest  ) I enjoyed this comment on the local paper:

Gutter Press indeed, poor lady. The lorry driver is a bit of a plonker too; I'm a driver and I've seen the lot, (but sadly not the naked M5 lady driver!) I've had a naked couple driving alongside me, a bloke in a lady's mini dress pleasuring himself, four pretty girls on the back seat of a coach raising their rugby shirts, a girl in the back of a coach mooning at me, (A nicer sight than the builder, he had a big yellow zit on his posterior!) And of course the transvestite who struts his stuff down Rugeley way! But ring the Police? Give over!

[tel]

Erm -

http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/2381033.Man_cut_free_from__S_M__chastity_belt_by_firemen/?ref=mr

[Darwins Selection]

Erm -

http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/2381033.Man_cut_free_from__S_M__chastity_belt_by_firemen/?ref=mr

 

I had no idea Marks and Sparks sold that sort of thing.

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/09/04/noddy-and-big-ears-deny-‘improper-relationship’/

In a move that has shaken Toytown to its building block foundations, Noddy has taken the unprecedented step of releasing a statement in an attempt to quell ongoing rumours about the true nature of his relationship with Big Ears.

‘For many years now, our friendship has been the subject of untrue and malicious gossip,’ said the small wooden boy, who strenuously denies allowing Big Ears to play with his bell in return for favours. ‘I realise in hindsight that us sharing a bed may have given rise to this speculation. And my comments about us having a ‘gay old time in the woods’ have been taken entirely out of context.’

Despite his innocence, Noddy has unceremoniously sacked Big Ears as his best friend and banished him to the spare room, a move that has not come a moment too soon for irritated neighbours.

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

Prune heather to have a perfect shaped bush next year.#gardeningtips   

[Nick]

What's her number?

[Barman]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/09/04/noddy-and-big-ears-deny-‘improper-relationship’/

In a move that has shaken Toytown to its building block foundations, Noddy has taken the unprecedented step of releasing a statement in an attempt to quell ongoing rumours about the true nature of his relationship with Big Ears.

‘For many years now, our friendship has been the subject of untrue and malicious gossip,’ said the small wooden boy, who strenuously denies allowing Big Ears to play with his bell in return for favours. ‘I realise in hindsight that us sharing a bed may have given rise to this speculation. And my comments about us having a ‘gay old time in the woods’ have been taken entirely out of context.’

Despite his innocence, Noddy has unceremoniously sacked Big Ears as his best friend and banished him to the spare room, a move that has not come a moment too soon for irritated neighbours.

 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/09/09/new-zealanders-appeal-unintelligibly-for-help-after-urthquike/

World governments admitted they were ‘baffled’ last night after the New Zealand government issued a ‘fully incomprehensible’ message about an ‘urthquike’.

‘We just don’t know what they are on about,’ said Foreign Secretary William Hague. ‘There’s something in there about ‘unternetional ide’, but we’re not sure if that’s some kind of soft drink or maybe a chemical or something.’

US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton ordered State Department translators to work round-the-clock on deciphering the garbled message. ‘Our best guess is that their second city, which we understand is called ‘Chroistchairch’, has suffered an infestation of rodents called ‘eftershucks’, so we’re sending fifty tons of mousetraps to see if that’s what they’re after.’

Julia Gillard, the newly-reelected prime minister of New Zealand’s English-speaking neighbour Australia, welcomed the US response. ‘She said it was ‘terliddle terlate yabladdy drongos’, Mrs Clinton said. ‘My translators tell me that means ‘God bless America.’


 

[Barman]

 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

http://newsarse.com/2010/08/10/cameron-to-target-people-who-behave-exactly-like-their-mps/



Prime minister David Cameron has announced a crackdown on people who are treating the benefits system like their own private parliamentary expenses account.

Cameron told reporters that benefit cheats making MP-style fraudulent claims, for sums to which they are definitely not entitled, was costing the tax payer £5.2bn a year.

Writing in the Manchester Evening News, the prime minister said that tougher penalties and prosecutions would be introduced to deter people from copying everything their MPs had been doing for years.

“We want to encourage people to shop anyone they find behaving like their MP,” he explained.

“If you’re out at work all day and you get home and find that your neighbour, who is unemployed, is having a leaking pipe replaced on his tennis court, or is having a 5ft duck house installed into his pond then you have every right to be suspicious. After all, you’re almost certainly paying for that.”

Benefit cheats

Multi-millionaire Cameron, who claimed £80,000 in additional costs for his second home in Oxfordshire between 2004 and 2008, has pledged to strain every sinew to cut error, waste and fraud in our welfare system.

Cameron has significant insight into the methods used by those seeking to take advantage of a poorly administered system which gives out seemingly ‘free’ money.

[Miss Demeanour]