Fantastic Headlines

[Darwins Selection]

Have you seen this lettuce?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1313726/Have-seen-iceberg-lettuce-burglar-Police-issue-ludicrous-e-fit-wanted-man.html

Just as well they added "The man has been described as white, approximately 5ft 8in tall and of medium build", saves anybody grassing on one of the many other green haired people that frequent the Stockbridge area

   

[Just One More]

I knew that it wouldn't get past you Darwin

[Grumpmeister]

You want to know when this volcano is likely to erupt, well call me a pessimist but I suspect not long after you drill a 13,000ft deep hole in its side. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1313938/Geologists-drill-13-000-feet-hole-volcano-try-erupt.html

[Barman]

You want to know when this volcano is likely to erupt, well call me a pessimist but I suspect not long after you drill a 13,000ft deep hole in its side. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1313938/Geologists-drill-13-000-feet-hole-volcano-try-erupt.html

Is BP in charge of the drilling? 

[Darwins Selection]

You want to know when this volcano is likely to erupt, well call me a pessimist but I suspect not long after you drill a 13,000ft deep hole in its side. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1313938/Geologists-drill-13-000-feet-hole-volcano-try-erupt.html

Quite so.

"I have a cunning plan to measure the pressure inside this balloon, pass me that hollow needle" 

[Barman]

You want to know when this volcano is likely to erupt, well call me a pessimist but I suspect not long after you drill a 13,000ft deep hole in its side. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1313938/Geologists-drill-13-000-feet-hole-volcano-try-erupt.html

Quite so.

"I have a cunning plan to measure the pressure inside this balloon, pass me that hollow needle" 

 

[tel]

I can't believe that the Cricketers has closed. What's the world coming to?

http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/8407933.Pub_crisis_sweeps_through_Merton/?ref=mr

[Grumpmeister]

You want to know when this volcano is likely to erupt, well call me a pessimist but I suspect not long after you drill a 13,000ft deep hole in its side. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1313938/Geologists-drill-13-000-feet-hole-volcano-try-erupt.html

Quite so.

"I have a cunning plan to measure the pressure inside this balloon, pass me that hollow needle" 

 

To be honest I'm half expecting to see that their next announcement introduces Nick as part of the team. 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/09/15/majority-of-mac-users-have-second-pc-for-porn/
Majority of Mac users ‘have second PC for porn’

Most Apple Mac users keep a cheap and nasty Windows PC ‘on the side’ for the use of internet pornography, according to a piece of research from Onan-online magazine.

The magazine polled 450 men and found that 85% of Mac owners refused to sully their beloved luxury product with ‘sleazy’ material. ‘It doesn’t feel right using my Mac for you-know-what,’ said Rob Jones, a graphic designer from Stoke Newington. ‘That’s the keyboard I’m writing my novel on.’

Ricardo DeSousa, editor of Onan-Online explains: ‘Having a Mac is like having a really hot model for a girlfriend. She’s expensive and picky but she looks great sat on your table in a coffee bar. A PC maybe a bit embarrassing, but she’s cheap, good to go and she let you plug in two mice at the same time if that’s your thing.’

The survey also found that a lot of men had problems gaining an erection in-front of their Macs. ‘Therefore a lot of guys get a PC on the side, but keep them hidden away in draws or under the bed. They don’t take them out, don’t show them off to friends, they just drag them out when they’re horny. It’s sad but these PCs are normally happy for whatever they can get,’ explained DeSousa...

[Barman]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2010/09/15/majority-of-mac-users-have-second-pc-for-porn/
Majority of Mac users ‘have second PC for porn’

Most Apple Mac users keep a cheap and nasty Windows PC ‘on the side’ for the use of internet pornography, according to a piece of research from Onan-online magazine.

The magazine polled 450 men and found that 85% of Mac owners refused to sully their beloved luxury product with ‘sleazy’ material. ‘It doesn’t feel right using my Mac for you-know-what,’ said Rob Jones, a graphic designer from Stoke Newington. ‘That’s the keyboard I’m writing my novel on.’

Ricardo DeSousa, editor of Onan-Online explains: ‘Having a Mac is like having a really hot model for a girlfriend. She’s expensive and picky but she looks great sat on your table in a coffee bar. A PC maybe a bit embarrassing, but she’s cheap, good to go and she let you plug in two mice at the same time if that’s your thing.’

The survey also found that a lot of men had problems gaining an erection in-front of their Macs. ‘Therefore a lot of guys get a PC on the side, but keep them hidden away in draws or under the bed. They don’t take them out, don’t show them off to friends, they just drag them out when they’re horny. It’s sad but these PCs are normally happy for whatever they can get,’ explained DeSousa...

 

I don't have a Mac... 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

I beg to differ.

[Barman]

I beg to differ.

That is a Dirty Mack.... 

[Grumpmeister]

Health and not so safety

Injury lawyers have helped settle a personal injury claim, for a woman who was left suffering from life-long damages to her leg after a fall as a result of an uncovered drain.

 The woman from Capenhurst, Cheshire, had attended a safety awareness event, which had been set up by the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) where she was walking with a "tightly packed" group of people when she accidently fell into an open drain.

As a result, the mother of two sustained injuries to her metatarsal tendons and her achilles in her right leg and must wear an ankle brace 24 hours a day.
 She is also on painkillers as a result of her injuries.

 She said: "It's painful but I have still got to get on with my job. My animals still need looking after so you just get on with it. I will never be able to play tennis again. It's only a little thing but my kids are both good tennis players and I can't play with them."

 Injury lawyers helped settled the woman's compensation claim for £25,000 for the woman's injuries. The HSE however, denied liability but agreed to settle the claim out of court

[Barman]

Health and not so safety

Injury lawyers have helped settle a personal injury claim, for a woman who was left suffering from life-long damages to her leg after a fall as a result of an uncovered drain.

 The woman from Capenhurst, Cheshire, had attended a safety awareness event, which had been set up by the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) where she was walking with a "tightly packed" group of people when she accidently fell into an open drain.

As a result, the mother of two sustained injuries to her metatarsal tendons and her achilles in her right leg and must wear an ankle brace 24 hours a day.
 She is also on painkillers as a result of her injuries.

 She said: "It's painful but I have still got to get on with my job. My animals still need looking after so you just get on with it. I will never be able to play tennis again. It's only a little thing but my kids are both good tennis players and I can't play with them."

 Injury lawyers helped settled the woman's compensation claim for £25,000 for the woman's injuries. The HSE however, denied liability but agreed to settle the claim out of court

[Grumpmeister]

The no hole in the wall gang   

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/201939/Boss-bricks-up-bank-in-protest-over-loan-snub