http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2009/12/14/%E2%80%98i-need-help%E2%80%99-says-assisted-suicide-bomber/‘I need help’ says assisted-suicide bomber
A man who wishes to end it all in the manner of a suicide bomber is appealing against the refusal of the National Health Service to help him kill himself and everyone around him. ‘All I want to do is blow myself up’, said Colin Jessop, ‘but my doctor refuses to help me. He only has to pull the cord on my rucksack. But ‘Oh no’, it’s ‘medical ethics’ this and ‘Hippocratic Oath’ that. It’s political correctness gone mad.’
The controvery has sparked a wider debate about the issue of assisted suicide bombing. ‘This is all about one man’s right to have the help he needs to blow himself to bits,’ said Director of Liberty, Shami Chakrabarti, ‘to stand in his way would not only be an infringement of his civil liberties; it would also be a bit stupid.’ MR Jessop insists that all he is asking for is personal dignity; ‘and the right to fire my limbs off in all directions while my head shoots into the sky. I just want to go out with a bang...’
...Fortunately a solution has been found to Mr Jessops’ search for somebody who is less worried about morals and ethics and just enjoys blowing things up. Mr Jessop will be detonated on the Top Gear Christmas special along with some caravans and unfashionable cars. Jeremy Clarkson said the death of Mr Jessop promises to be ‘hilarious’.
