Fantastic Headlines

[Nick]

In vaguely related news.........

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/aug/26/girls-exposed-electronic-babies-more-likely-pregnant-study

 

[Barman]

In vaguely related news.........

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/aug/26/girls-exposed-electronic-babies-more-likely-pregnant-study

 

Good grief... 

[Steve]

Bloody hell I'm not surprised the stupid sod passed out... 

A lunatic driver castrated himself after crashing his car at almost twice the speed limit.
Nicholas St Clair, 27, from west Hull, pulled out a tree branch which had pierced his groin in the smash and found his balls dangling from it, a court heard.

Doesn't sound like any great loss to the gene pool though 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3759288/Lunatic-speeding-driver-castrated-tree-branch-crashed-car-nearly-double-speed-limit.html

 

Shouldn't this be in the Darwin thread?

[Steve]

In vaguely related news.........

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/aug/26/girls-exposed-electronic-babies-more-likely-pregnant-study

 

Good grief... 

[Grumpmeister]

Pissed or just gormless, what thinks you... 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3760197/Man-gets-trapped-inside-public-toilet-diving-feet-retrieve-friend-s-dropped-mobile-phone-handset-not-recovered.html

[Barman]

Pissed or just gormless, what thinks you... 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3760197/Man-gets-trapped-inside-public-toilet-diving-feet-retrieve-friend-s-dropped-mobile-phone-handset-not-recovered.html

Looking at his picture, Gormless is the obvious answer... 

Many years ago we went to Yellowstone Park - They have bogs that are basically a seat over a hole over a big tank in the ground...

The week before we got there some pervert had been caught in the tank under the ladees bog with a camera - waist deep in excrement... 

[Grumpmeister]

Fighting fires using heavy artillery? Who was Nick;s consultancy contract with again? 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3759665/Boeing-wants-fight-forest-fires-ARTILLERY-Patent-reveals-radical-concept-blast-blazes-howitzers.html

It's a novel approach but I can see it being an interesting experience for the Helljumpers, busy fighting fire when you suddenly hear the sound of incoming artillery rounds.

[Grumpmeister]

Hey Nick, have you been in a car accident recently that "wasn't your fault" 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3759542/Driver-demands-compensation-bikini-clad-showjumper-40-ogling-crashing-car-cycled-past.html

[Grumpmeister]

What sort of moron wakes up one day and thinks "I know, I'll fill my bath with a mahoosive amount of hot chilli sauce and sit in it" 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3760515/Crazy-moment-prankster-screams-pain-bathing-dunking-head-1-250-bottles-hot-chilli-sauce.html

[Barman]

What sort of moron wakes up one day and thinks "I know, I'll fill my bath with a mahoosive amount of hot chilli sauce and sit in it" 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3760515/Crazy-moment-prankster-screams-pain-bathing-dunking-head-1-250-bottles-hot-chilli-sauce.html

Nick...? 

[Nick]

 

Moves £5 etc..............

[Barman]

Moves £5 etc..............

You did think about it tho didn't you...? 

[Barman]

Lube dispenser filled with acid in Aarows nightclub attack

What. The. Fuck? 

Investigations are under way after someone replaced lube with acid in a dispenser at a gay club.

A 62-year-old man was arrested in Sydney, Australia, after going to Aarows, Rydalmere, and poured hydrochloric acid into the dispenser.

So you can just pop in the bogs between drinks and have a good bumming...? 

Aarows provides a secure, relaxed environment where gay and bi people can meet and socialise together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Plenty of parking with discreet rear private entry.

[Steve]

Whatever was BM googling 

[Grumpmeister]

There are times where, like with Nick, it is best not to know what goes on in the dark recesses of Baldymort's mind...