Clipboard Cretins

[Miss Demeanour]

Every lunchtime and evening I leave work and then enter in the world of stealth operations in order to avoid the 4 or 5 bastards with clipboards who want to stop you and talk about their latest cause.

To invite you closer to the clipboard they compliment you, joke with you, obstruct you, entice you. I have just been out to buy a sandwich and had to endure this game of dodge and weave with some muppet walking alongside me and calling me Princess. He nearly had his clipboard inserted where the sun don't shine 

take your brightly coloured T shirt and you're matching pens and feck right off.

Annoying twats 

If I wanted to support some cause or the other I would contact them 

[Nick]

Loads around Oxford Circus. I always give them one of my looks 

[Snoopy]

You want to carry one of those air operated rape alarms. Next time one of these cretins approaches you utter a brisk ~ "No comment" and walk on ~ if they persist activate the alarm and start screaming that you are being stalked. That should gain a response.

[The Moan Ranger]

Loads around Oxford Circus. I always give them one of my looks 

Or sneeze flies all over them  

[Miss Demeanour]

You want to carry one of those air operated rape alarms. Next time one of these cretins approaches you utter a brisk ~ "No comment" and walk on ~ if they persist activate the alarm and start screaming that you are being stalked. That should gain a response. whistle 

That would require them to listen and hear and understand what you are saying - which lets face it is most of the time feck off and leave me alone 

Why aren't they arrested for obstructing the public highway 

[Snoopy]

You want to carry one of those air operated rape alarms. Next time one of these cretins approaches you utter a brisk ~ "No comment" and walk on ~ if they persist activate the alarm and start screaming that you are being stalked. That should gain a response. whistle 

That would require them to listen and hear and understand what you are saying - which lets face it is most of the time feck off and leave me alone 

Why aren't they arrested for obstructing the public highway 

I can't imagine ~ why not ask your local council ~ they are the ones that issue the licences for this sort of thing. 

[Miss Demeanour]

Do you need a walk or something - you have far too much bite left in you for this time of day 

[Snoopy]

 

[Nick]

You want to carry one of those air operated rape alarms. Next time one of these cretins approaches you utter a brisk ~ "No comment" and walk on ~ if they persist activate the alarm and start screaming that you are being stalked. That should gain a response. whistle 

That would require them to listen and hear and understand what you are saying - which lets face it is most of the time feck off and leave me alone 

Why aren't they arrested for obstructing the public highway 

I can't imagine ~ why not ask your local council ~ they are the ones that issue the licences for this sort of thing. 

 

[Darwins Selection]

I use two solutions for these leeches.

1. Shrug shoulders a lot and gabble a in a made-up Nordic/Far eastern language, somewhere between the Muppets Swedish chef and Dr Fumanchu.

2. Listen to the subject of their survey then adopt the role of a religion/ethnic group/political supporter who would be horrified at the subject then lambast them.
a) Gay Marriage questions=Become Ian Paisley
b) EEC livestock policy=Clement Freud in Vegetarian mode
c) Housing for Immigrants=Oswald Moseley with heartburn

etc

[Snoopy]

Many years ago whilst waiting for Mrs S#1 to emerge from a shop I was standing in the newly pedestrianised shopping centre known as "Above Bar" Southampton. I had a child holding each of my hands and was approached by a man in a black suit. He was carrying a clipboard and a bundle of leaflets and his opening words, spoken in an American accent all of which I took to mean he was probable a Mormon, were "I can see you are a family man"
"Good Lord no!" I exclaimed "I've just bought these for dinner tonight". He turned and walked away.

[Darwins Selection]

Many years ago whilst waiting for Mrs S#1 to emerge from a shop I was standing in the newly pedestrianised shopping centre known as "Above Bar" Southampton. I had a child holding each of my hands and was approached by a man in a black suit. He was carrying a clipboard and a bundle of leaflets and his opening words, spoken in an American accent all of which I took to mean he was probable a Mormon, were "I can see you are a family man"
"Good Lord no!" I exclaimed "I've just bought these for dinner tonight". He turned and walked away.

That's the kind of thing.