Fooking pointless shopping

[Nick]

I know the gerls here love nothing more than a good bit of shopping. Men differ. I certainly do  

I decided earlier to go to the BIG TOWN up the road to get some essential bits and pieces.

1. Lighting shop to replace broken shade on lamp (DIY related accident)

'What make is it?'

I show her the make and model number.

'We don't stock those any more.'

'Why?'

'We just don't. YOu will have to phone Leeds.'  

2. Bookshop. Privately run by wimmin  

Can't find what I want

'We don't stock those.'

'Why?'

'There is no demand.'

'But I am demanding it.'

'You must be unusual.'    

3. Go to Post Office. It's gone  

'Where has the PO gone?'

'It's in Thornton's the chocolate shop.'  

'The PO is in a sweet shop??!'

'Yes, why not?'

'Do they have a train set?' (OK, I didn't actually ask that, but it would not have seemed out of place)

4. Some veg

I realise that this town has:

6 charity shops
4 coffee shops
6 wine shops
3 Hi-Fi shops
4 chemists
2 travel agents
9 restaurants

AND NOWHERE TO BUY ANY FECKING FOOD

2 hours later I return home with 2 stamps  

[Barman]

I have been shopping today - simples! 

Although my air tanks were out of date and I have to go back on Thursday. 

[Nick]

Are you going into space?

[Barman]

Are you going into space?

No.

[Nick]

 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

I know the gerls here love nothing more than a good bit of shopping. Men differ. I certainly do  

I decided earlier to go to the BIG TOWN up the road to get some essential bits and pieces.

1. Lighting shop to replace broken shade on lamp (DIY related accident)

'What make is it?'

I show her the make and model number.

'We don't stock those any more.'

'Why?'

'We just don't. YOu will have to phone Leeds.'  

2. Bookshop. Privately run by wimmin  

Can't find what I want

'We don't stock those.'

'Why?'

'There is no demand.'

'But I am demanding it.'

'You must be unusual.'    

3. Go to Post Office. It's gone  

'Where has the PO gone?'

'It's in Thornton's the chocolate shop.'  

'The PO is in a sweet shop??!'

'Yes, why not?'

'Do they have a train set?' (OK, I didn't actually ask that, but it would not have seemed out of place)

4. Some veg

I realise that this town has:

6 charity shops
4 coffee shops
6 wine shops
3 Hi-Fi shops
4 chemists
2 travel agents
9 restaurants

AND NOWHERE TO BUY ANY FECKING FOOD

2 hours later I return home with 2 stamps  

How very frustrating you should try these people.


www.tesco.com
 

[Nick]

 

[Barman]

I know the gerls here love nothing more than a good bit of shopping. Men differ. I certainly do  

I decided earlier to go to the BIG TOWN up the road to get some essential bits and pieces.

1. Lighting shop to replace broken shade on lamp (DIY related accident)

'What make is it?'

I show her the make and model number.

'We don't stock those any more.'

'Why?'

'We just don't. YOu will have to phone Leeds.'  

2. Bookshop. Privately run by wimmin  

Can't find what I want

'We don't stock those.'

'Why?'

'There is no demand.'

'But I am demanding it.'

'You must be unusual.'    

3. Go to Post Office. It's gone  

'Where has the PO gone?'

'It's in Thornton's the chocolate shop.'  

'The PO is in a sweet shop??!'

'Yes, why not?'

'Do they have a train set?' (OK, I didn't actually ask that, but it would not have seemed out of place)

4. Some veg

I realise that this town has:

6 charity shops
4 coffee shops
6 wine shops
3 Hi-Fi shops
4 chemists
2 travel agents
9 restaurants

AND NOWHERE TO BUY ANY FECKING FOOD

2 hours later I return home with 2 stamps  

How very frustrating you should try these people.


www.tesco.com
 

 

[Nick]

 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

I have been shopping today - simples! 

Although my air tanks were out of date and I have to go back on Thursday. 

Ahh yes the bends, it's a nice way to go or so I have been told.

[Barman]

I have been shopping today - simples! 

Although my air tanks were out of date and I have to go back on Thursday. 

Ahh yes the bends, it's a nice way to go or so I have been told.

Noooo.... nasty! 

Nitrogen narcosis is the way to go... 

[Nick]

How do you know?

[Barman]

How do you know?

Extensive training... 

[Nick]

...in death?

[Barman]

...in death?

No, life actually... but they cover the death bit as well... like...