How not to start the day off ....

[Miss Demeanour]

I normally get into work by about 7.30.  There are a few early starters including 1 bloke who is normally in by 7.

This morning I got into the office to find him out cold, blood everywhere and another team member administering first aid  He had already called for an ambulance.

The guy had blacked out - hit his head on the corner of a concrete pillar and had a deep , nasty cut on his head. He came too slowly and then proceeded to be sick.

Poor sod

He has now been taken off to hospital with another colleague and I am now trying to organise for a clean up of the area.....what a fffing palava . Not in service level agreements for our contract cleaning services to do this etc etc etc...

There may be more blood spilt yet by the end of the day 

[Uncle Mort]

There may be more blood spilt yet by the end of the day 

Then you'll just have to clear that up as well.

Slip the office junior a few quid to clean it up.

[Nick]

I hate vomit 

[Miss Demeanour]

Then you'll just have to clear that up as well.
Slip the office junior a few quid to clean it up.

Office junior ...office junior  ....this is local government you cannot use such derogatory terminology as that here Unc 

[Nick]

Gopher? Deputy bin superintendent? Associate paper clip manager?

[Uncle Mort]

Then you'll just have to clear that up as well.
Slip the office junior a few quid to clean it up.

Office junior ...office junior  ....this is local government you cannot use such derogatory terminology as that here Unc 

You lot are far too sensitive, probably why the chap fainted in the first place.

[Nick]

Then you'll just have to clear that up as well.
Slip the office junior a few quid to clean it up.

Office junior ...office junior  ....this is local government you cannot use such derogatory terminology as that here Unc 

You lot are far too sensitive, probably why the chap fainted in the first place.

[Barman]

The old 'passed out and hit his head' story eh...? 

[Nick]

No, he didn't fall off the roof

[Barman]

I reckon he hit himself over the head... um with an ice club so no evidence could be found...

They can't possibly make him redundo when he is off on the sick see...? 

[Miss Demeanour]

There have already been comments made about management brutality  ....just cos I was sitting next to him and he was covered in blood when people were coming in proves nothing at all 

[Miss Demeanour]

I now have to fill in an online accident report....complete a risk assessment and organise a occ health referral for his return to work.

I have also had to produce a report for the director and chief exec on what happened ...


feeling like banging my head on something sharp 

[Uncle Mort]

Here you go:

online accident report: Chap fainted, fell over, banged head.
risk assessment: fainting can cause accidents. Remedy: add question on employment form "how often do you faint in a year?" do NOT employ if answer over 1.
Referral for his return to work: return when a) bleeding has stopped. And b) when you have stopped seeing double.
report for the director and chief exec on what happened: "I wasn't there so I don't know"

[Miss Demeanour]

Don't you love the simplicity of life in the private sector 

 

[The Moan Ranger]

We had a girl in the office who used to feint regularly - she never cracked her head open though and it always seemed to be on a Friday afternoon. She had great cans though, so she was always forgiven.