I bodged it, OK?
Anyhoo.
1. We stripped all the carpets out of the house yesterday, along with an old sideboard and a vast piece of unidentifiable furniture which fell apart when I tried to move it.
I call the council about getting it taken away.
Standard charge (for 6 items) is ?21.50
'How many items are there?'
'Um, 6.'
'Describe them.'
'Well, a sort of sideboard (1), one other piece of furniture which fell into about 12 pieces, but it is only one thing (2). And some carpet.
'
'Can you count the carpet?'
HOW THE FOOK DO YOU COUNT A CARPET?
'Well, a carpet for landing and stairs, so that is 1, but it is in about 12 little pieces.'
'So is that 1 or 12?'
'I say ONE'
'What else?'
'Um, three other carpets'
We shall see what happens on Monday
2. We put other stuff in Mrs Nick's car.
1 lawnmower (slightly exploded), a hedge trimmer, other garden tools, cables, various shite and a living room carpet. (This is so we can cover the newly sanded floor when men in boots come to rectify the cock up they made with the skirting boards). At 6.30 Mrs Nick wakes me violently.
She has just recalled that her car is being taken away today (bodged repair to be rectified after her last crash) - the rear light clusters are full of water
A courtesy car is being delivered.
'We have to empty my car'
We remove:
Vast carpet
Lawnmower
Trimmer
Tools
Shite
Shite from door pockets and glove compartment
Boy related shite (crisp packets, old biscuits etc)
Coats
'Is there anything in the boot?'
Her: 'It's full' (more shite)
It's like unpacking the fooking Tardis
Boxes of shite, swimming stuff, old cables, old newspapers not taken to the dump, unidintifiable shite. The driveway is full!!
And as soon as the replacement vehicle comes it's back to PODDING
PS She is concerned that her car is dirty and that the garage will think she is a slut (or summat). She is washing the car. I point out they are going to dismantle it. She carries on washing it anyway. Wimmin
