Nick's paintpod disasters thread

[Pastis]

 

[Nick]

Wot he said

[Miss Demeanour]

A survey last month revealed that there were more complaints about TV adverts last year than ever before. Well, whoever these serial complainants are, they're going to have a field day with the year's most vile, morally debased commercial, for Dulux PaintPod.

A young man unveils his freshly painted living room to the foxy young lady who lives opposite. She gives it a disinterested once-over, then shakes her head. So, using his high-speed PaintPod applicator, he creams up the walls and swishes back the curtains; she barely even raises her head from her dinner. Undaunted, he goes at his walls again, rendering them a warm and inviting russet. Within minutes there is a knock at the door. The neighbour has capitulated; in fact, she practically pounces on him. They are totally going to do it tonight!

Now, on the surface, Dulux is simply doing here what advertisers have been doing since the dawn of time: saying, "Hey, blokes! If you buy our product, that attractive acquaintance you've been lusting after for so long will want to have sex with you!" But a deeper reading leads to some troubling questions. For example: how lazy/cheap/socially inept do you have to be, that you choose to woo someone by submitting them to a series of paint stimuli? And similarly, how emotionally damaged do you have to be that you allow your sexual froideur to be blowtorched not by the force of a man's personality nor the steeliness of his abs, but by him simply finding the right shade of woodland brown? "Hey blokes!" says Dulux PaintPod, "Buy me and I will facilitate your passage into the underwear of sexually attractive lunatics!" Truly, truly sickening.


 

[Uncle Mort]

"Buy me and I will facilitate your passage into the underwear of sexually attractive lunatics!"

Looks like it's a visit to Homebase for me this evening. 

[Nick]

That 9.00 start looks unlikely 

[Miss Demeanour]

Is this the revised time for

choosing the paint
buying the paint
buying the paint pod
starting the painting
delaying the carpet fitters until next week

 

[Nick]

I know not. Mrs Nick has lost the list I made for her  

And the Boy is to be given a hosepipe (washing down the shed), a pot of gloss and a brush to paint a shed. I don't think that is going to go well 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

I know not. Mrs Nick has lost the list I made for her  

And the Boy is to be given a hosepipe (washing down the shed), a pot of gloss and a brush to paint a shed. I don't think that is going to go well 

This really is not a good idea, apart from anything else why do you want a shiny shed, that's just bad and wrong, even if it is a blotchy shiny shed.

Just out of interest what coulour gloss, please tell me that it isn't white.

[Nick]

Dark Green (shed in question is currently an unbelievable custard yellow!)

[Snoopy]

What could possibly go wrong? 

[Nick]

Almost everything I fear 

And Mrs Nick is still faffing about. 

[barmisspah?]

I think that when you get the paint etc, you had better also buy great swathes of that special floor protecting plastic sheeting - you know, the stuff that actually adheres to the carpet/floor but is easy to rip off afterwards.
(Guess who was watching a DIY prog last night)
Either that or ring 60 minute makeover & see if they will come round & do it tonight for you.

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

Dark Green (shed in question is currently an unbelievable custard yellow!)

Ahh well that will be an improvement of sorts, possibly.

Have you worked out how to remove 2 litres of gloss paint from a wriggling child?  Total submersion is an option worth considering.

[Barman]

Dark Green (shed in question is currently an unbelievable custard yellow!)

Ahh well that will be an improvement of sorts, possibly.

Have you worked out how to remove 2 litres of gloss paint from a wriggling child?  Total submersion is an option worth considering.

In white spirit! 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

Or turps, are they the same thing?


Nick smokes, what could possibly go wrong?