Nick speaks

[Mr Happy]

It looks bad in a list but let's break just one down:

"Being unhappy that one of Mrs H's work colleagues claimed to have slept with her yet she failed to fire him"

I found out about this in another pub speaking to the manager.  I let the info sink in and went to speak to the Mrs carefully about it (as we were arguing a lot at the time).  She told me that when she heard it had been said she'd made him look a twat and apologise in front of all the staff and people that had heard it.  She seemed surprised that my issue was that she hadn't told me and claimed she didn't want me upset.

On pointing out how I'd found out was more upsetting and that I'd approached her with control rather than accusation she merely said "I don't care if you believe me it's up to you whether you trust me..."

Brilliant!

A few weeks later, on Xmas day, she has to work in the pub.  I take the kids to see her for the last hour of her shift and this lad is there drinking his tips.  On trying to make me leave I hear her tell him that he's still got three pints in.  I go home, cook Xmas dinner and am texting her 90 mins later to tell her it'll be ruined.  Another 30 mins later I serve up the kids dinner (disappointed as this is the one meal a year I'd expect us to be round the table).  I go into the front room to put music on and hear her outside, the lad has walked her home and she's inviting him round for a drink later.

Now it prolly wasn't the best idea to say "so that's why you're so late" when she came in but she then refuses to eat or even sit at the table with us.  I wait til all is done and the kids are out of the way and point out that it's a family day, I also point out that I don't particularly want said wanker in my house.  The reply "oh so you're sneaking around listening into my conversations now, and he's apologised to me so what's the problem?"

Does she really not see what the problem would be here...

[Nick]

 

Tough times. Join the VP club. Everyone here seems to be divorced except Wench and that is only because she is engaged. 

[Miss Demeanour]

Blimey Mr H - that is one large plateful you have on your hands  

That sounds so tough - especially when it is obvious you really love her and your kids but she would appear to be behaving totally unreasonably from what you say. There  does not seem to be a great deal of consideration for your feelings .

I think you know you deserve to be treated better than this but you are putting your feelings aside in the hope that she will see sense. I hope she does and that you can work this out but value yourself as well as your wife.

[Miss Demeanour]

Tough times. Join the VP club. Everyone here seems to be divorced except Wench and that is only because she is engaged.  

Relationships eh .......and what is it exactly that makes me want another one  

[Mr Happy]

I am still aiming not to be though.

Not being an arse like but I've only ever entered it for the long haul and I'll fight with all I've got.  There may well come a point where I'm battered into submission, lord knows I've cried myself to sleep plenty, but she hasn't managed it yet.

I mean she is a troubled person, the aforementioned family background and bouts of post natal depression have made life tough.  When she does look me in the eye and smile though I can forgive her anything (sucker).  Just need to know occasionaly that she wants me to be here for her rather than the object of her unhappiness...

[Snoopy]

I hate to say it Mr H but that all sounds horribly familiar to me.

You feel you have to tough it out for the kids sake if nothing else but I doubt that it will improve.

Good luck and remember we are here if you feel the need to rant.

[Nick]

Deffo what he said.And check your PMs. YOu are far from alone

[Mr Happy]

but value yourself as well as your wife.

That's where the biggest struggle has been.

She wanted a trial seperation in August which was the first I knew of her being unhappy.

Moved out for a month and she claimed she was happier yet I informed her that her life wouldn't be so simple if divorce happened. She seemed to think I'd still pay the mortgage, sit with the kids so she could go on the piss etc.

So then came me trying to be nice and ignore the idiocy, fail!

Then came the anger and me sticking up for myself, fail!

Then the upset and loss of self respect, not nice!

At the moment, as said, I'm more on the I know who I am and what I want.  Not sure it's a give her the rope approach, more point out what she has and let her decide what she wants.

Unfortunately with mortgages, kids et al involved it is hard to call the bluff.  Her so-called friends wouldn't stick around for long when she's in a shitty flat, taking the nippers to school, unable to work or afford the nights out...

"You feel you have to tough it out for the kids sake if nothing else but I doubt that it will improve".


Hoping it is just a phase, she certainly has them.  I don't fancy being a weekend dad but I've told her aswell that I'm not doing it out of some misguided loyalty.  Two unhappy parents together are not better to provide for them than those happily seperated.  As said though, I still believe in us, I'm willing to fight because I know what was can still be.  If she doesn't and has the balls to say that then I will take it as read...

[Nick]

I sense this is really complicated. And as an outsider I know where I would be heading, but as an insider you have other concerns. It was ever thus

[Uncle Mort]

Sorry to hear of your Mr Happy, I sincerely hope it all turns out OK.

I count myself lucky that my marital breakup went fairly well.

[Darwins Selection]

What an awful tale Mr H. There is nothing I can say except keep your chin up in that difficult situation.

None of my splits have been 1% as bad as that.

 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

Good grief Mr H this all sounds dreadful and very complicated.  I hope it all turns out as you would wish though I doubt it will be as simple as that.

[Bar Wench]

Oh Mr H what a muddle. I can't pretend to know what it is like but I hope it all works out for you in the end.

[Nick]

Mrs Nick will be getting a solicitor's letter in the morning 

[Snoopy]

Thought you'd been quiet today.