The all new "Where are you today?" thread

[Nick]

 

[Nick]

This is  a nightmare. SHe keeps texting "How is Bertie?"

I say, "I dunno"

It goes on 

[Pirate]

[Nick]

Precisely 

[Pirate]

Bonjour, my Cherie. How is my pussy. voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir  

[Nick]

 

[Pirate]

Bon Soir Cherie...I am so glad you love my pussy...please continue to stroke it gently...you will not be disappointed

text back 

[Nick]

If only 

[Barman]

This is  a nightmare. SHe keeps texting "How is Bertie?"

I say, "I dunno"

It goes on 

Text back "drowning in his own piss and shite"

That should get her off your back like... 

[Nick]

 

[Pirate]

Darling...I vill soon be with you... burma

[Pirate]

Cherie...I will have to cancel...that fool Nick has gubbed it...He  has locked himself out...I will have to go directly to my flat to rescue Bertie who is drowning in his own piss and shite...au voir, darling, until later

[Pirate]

Merde...I ave been texting the wrong number. There is obviously no piss for the wicked. My lips are soiled.

[GROWLER]

I cannot and DO NOT believe that YOU, the bloody OWNER of the property, does not have a spare key for it.
If it IS true however, you take almost incomprehensible negligence and total utter utter utter unbelievable gross stupidity to new heights, previously thought of as being too high to be attainable.

[Pirate]

Oh Growler, come on...we all know its jackanory...just play along with him