Been working on a narticle about how things would be if the 11+ had selected for practical aptitude
rather than for abstract reasoning. Behold the headteacher's speech:
Headteacher of primary school gives speech:
Well, I am sad to say you have failed your alt-11+. We have no choice but to send you to the grammar school. There you will be occupied for several years reading poetry, studying history, and learning bad French which you will never master or use. Latin would be good for you and maybe some maths. Algebra often comes in handy in life. You will never be able to change a plug or assemble IKEA furniture without a meltdown, but you will be able to conjugate Latin verbs. It is a fantastic opportunity.
Meanwhile, those who have been successful are going to the Secondary Modern where they will hone valuable and profitable skills in just the sort of things that the economy desperately needs and will go on to buy vans and run profitable businesses and take on their own apprentices. They will have holiday homes in Portugal and flashy cars.
These people are the winners of the lottery of education and life, whilst you failures are condemned to endure years of reading Paradise Lost (Books 1 and 2) and failing to understand the point of Trigonometry. After that you could go on to university and learn about the history of art, sociology and the workings of the media. Your job prospects will be limited but you will know a tremendous amount about things that have no commercial value, though you will excel in pub quizzes and will shout at the telly a lot during Who wants to be a Millionaire.
