The all new "Where are you today?" thread

[apc2010]

Went to get some food shopping with The Man 

Some old battleaxe had stopped in the middle of the aisle and was leaning on her trolley and talking into her phone ...for ages....and ages...and ages. She was blocking everyone who were having to divert themselves into other aisles to get round her.

The Man moved her trolley to the side ( whilst she was still on the phone) to get past. She went blue rinse mad tastic and started screaming  Apparently this constituted an assault  So The Man, who had walked on, came back to square up to her and shouted that if she had any spatial awareness she would be aware she was causing an obstruction and was being totally bloody selfish ...other people exist etc . She started talking to whoever she was on the phone too that she was being mugged 

Then some other woman who was also waiting patiently to bypass this one way system suddenly came up and shouted in her face " just f***king move you ignorant cow" ......made The Man look almost reasonable 

More shrieks from the 'fragile old dear' ...and then a member of staff came trotting over and took hold of her trolley to guide her out the way. Again she starts protesting to whoever she was on the phone with but she had to follow the trolley as she was still latched on 

She started swearing at everyone then ....Marks and Sparks isn't what it was 

 

[Nick]

Did you shout at here too? Oh no, your poor voice 

Have some voddy and honey 

[Miss Demeanour]

I couldn't shout ...only dogs would have heard me 

[Steve]

Went to get some food shopping with The Man 

Some old battleaxe had stopped in the middle of the aisle and was leaning on her trolley and talking into her phone ...for ages....and ages...and ages. She was blocking everyone who were having to divert themselves into other aisles to get round her.

The Man moved her trolley to the side ( whilst she was still on the phone) to get past. She went blue rinse mad tastic and started screaming  Apparently this constituted an assault  So The Man, who had walked on, came back to square up to her and shouted that if she had any spatial awareness she would be aware she was causing an obstruction and was being totally bloody selfish ...other people exist etc . She started talking to whoever she was on the phone too that she was being mugged 

Then some other woman who was also waiting patiently to bypass this one way system suddenly came up and shouted in her face " just f***king move you ignorant cow" ......made The Man look almost reasonable 

More shrieks from the 'fragile old dear' ...and then a member of staff came trotting over and took hold of her trolley to guide her out the way. Again she starts protesting to whoever she was on the phone with but she had to follow the trolley as she was still latched on 

She started swearing at everyone then ....Marks and Sparks isn't what it was 

  'The Man' and 'some other woman'   We should be tough on ignorant cows and tough on the causes of ignorant cows

Dare we wonder what you'd have said if you hadn't lost your voice?

[Barman]

Went to get some food shopping with The Man 

Some old battleaxe had stopped in the middle of the aisle and was leaning on her trolley and talking into her phone ...for ages....and ages...and ages. She was blocking everyone who were having to divert themselves into other aisles to get round her.

The Man moved her trolley to the side ( whilst she was still on the phone) to get past. She went blue rinse mad tastic and started screaming  Apparently this constituted an assault  So The Man, who had walked on, came back to square up to her and shouted that if she had any spatial awareness she would be aware she was causing an obstruction and was being totally bloody selfish ...other people exist etc . She started talking to whoever she was on the phone too that she was being mugged 

Then some other woman who was also waiting patiently to bypass this one way system suddenly came up and shouted in her face " just f***king move you ignorant cow" ......made The Man look almost reasonable 

More shrieks from the 'fragile old dear' ...and then a member of staff came trotting over and took hold of her trolley to guide her out the way. Again she starts protesting to whoever she was on the phone with but she had to follow the trolley as she was still latched on 

She started swearing at everyone then ....Marks and Sparks isn't what it was 

 

[Darwins Selection]

Went to get some food shopping with The Man 

Some old battleaxe had stopped in the middle of the aisle and was leaning on her trolley and talking into her phone ...for ages....and ages...and ages. She was blocking everyone who were having to divert themselves into other aisles to get round her.

The Man moved her trolley to the side ( whilst she was still on the phone) to get past. She went blue rinse mad tastic and started screaming  Apparently this constituted an assault  So The Man, who had walked on, came back to square up to her and shouted that if she had any spatial awareness she would be aware she was causing an obstruction and was being totally bloody selfish ...other people exist etc . She started talking to whoever she was on the phone too that she was being mugged 

Then some other woman who was also waiting patiently to bypass this one way system suddenly came up and shouted in her face " just f***king move you ignorant cow" ......made The Man look almost reasonable 

More shrieks from the 'fragile old dear' ...and then a member of staff came trotting over and took hold of her trolley to guide her out the way. Again she starts protesting to whoever she was on the phone with but she had to follow the trolley as she was still latched on 

She started swearing at everyone then ....Marks and Sparks isn't what it was 

 

You should just start filling her trolley up with whatever is on the shelf next to her, no contact, no screams of assault and she will feel bound to end the phone call and take it all out.
Basic Desmond Morris stuff. 

[Steve]

Went to get some food shopping with The Man 

Some old battleaxe had stopped in the middle of the aisle and was leaning on her trolley and talking into her phone ...for ages....and ages...and ages. She was blocking everyone who were having to divert themselves into other aisles to get round her.

The Man moved her trolley to the side ( whilst she was still on the phone) to get past. She went blue rinse mad tastic and started screaming  Apparently this constituted an assault  So The Man, who had walked on, came back to square up to her and shouted that if she had any spatial awareness she would be aware she was causing an obstruction and was being totally bloody selfish ...other people exist etc . She started talking to whoever she was on the phone too that she was being mugged 

Then some other woman who was also waiting patiently to bypass this one way system suddenly came up and shouted in her face " just f***king move you ignorant cow" ......made The Man look almost reasonable 

More shrieks from the 'fragile old dear' ...and then a member of staff came trotting over and took hold of her trolley to guide her out the way. Again she starts protesting to whoever she was on the phone with but she had to follow the trolley as she was still latched on 

She started swearing at everyone then ....Marks and Sparks isn't what it was 

 

You should just start filling her trolley up with whatever is on the shelf next to her, no contact, no screams of assault and she will feel bound to end the phone call and take it all out.
Basic Desmond Morris stuff. 

[Barman]

Went to get some food shopping with The Man 

Some old battleaxe had stopped in the middle of the aisle and was leaning on her trolley and talking into her phone ...for ages....and ages...and ages. She was blocking everyone who were having to divert themselves into other aisles to get round her.

The Man moved her trolley to the side ( whilst she was still on the phone) to get past. She went blue rinse mad tastic and started screaming  Apparently this constituted an assault  So The Man, who had walked on, came back to square up to her and shouted that if she had any spatial awareness she would be aware she was causing an obstruction and was being totally bloody selfish ...other people exist etc . She started talking to whoever she was on the phone too that she was being mugged 

Then some other woman who was also waiting patiently to bypass this one way system suddenly came up and shouted in her face " just f***king move you ignorant cow" ......made The Man look almost reasonable 

More shrieks from the 'fragile old dear' ...and then a member of staff came trotting over and took hold of her trolley to guide her out the way. Again she starts protesting to whoever she was on the phone with but she had to follow the trolley as she was still latched on 

She started swearing at everyone then ....Marks and Sparks isn't what it was 

 

You should just start filling her trolley up with whatever is on the shelf next to her, no contact, no screams of assault and she will feel bound to end the phone call and take it all out.
Basic Desmond Morris stuff. 

 

[Barman]

Got the electrician coming to upgrade the consumer unit... So will be off-line for a while... 

[Barman]

Electrician not impressed with my werk... 

[Nick]

Him and 7 billion others 

[Barman]

Him and 7 billion others 

 

[Miss Demeanour]

Electrician not impressed with my werk... 

Are you on the naughty step? 

[Barman]

Electrician not impressed with my werk... 

Are you on the naughty step? 

I think I am! 

[Miss Demeanour]

It's just a ruse to enable him to charge more