The all new "Where are you today?" thread

[GROWLER]

Been out and bought leather sofas... 

Just in time ey, as the '99% off sale' was no doubt going to finish at 6pm tonight, as was the no deposit intrest free credit over 10 years with guaranteed all yer money back too no doubt.
Phew ey?

[Barman]

Been out and bought leather sofas... 

Just in time ey, as the '99% off sale' was no doubt going to finish at 6pm tonight, as was the no deposit intrest free credit over 10 years with guaranteed all yer money back too no doubt.
Phew ey?

Got 25% off... 

The Sales are state controlled here - you can't have a sale any time you like like.... 

[GROWLER]

Been out and bought leather sofas...  

Just in time ey, as the '99% off sale' was no doubt going to finish at 6pm tonight, as was the no deposit intrest free credit over 10 years with guaranteed all yer money back too no doubt.
Phew ey?

Got 25% off...  

Tsk. Is THAT all?

DFS would have given you ar least 75%, but like I say like, the sale MUST end tonight at 6pm.
Looks like you may have missed out BIG time here BM.
I bet yer gutted ey?  

Never mind, the next sale MUST end next tuesday at 6pm, so we're all still in with a chance ey. Sweet as a nut.

If you wanna new nest like, I think Bensons or whoever, have also got a MAMMOTH sale on too, but I think their 80% off EVERTHING sale ends at 6pm on Friday...this week like. 

[Barman]

Been out and bought leather sofas...  

Just in time ey, as the '99% off sale' was no doubt going to finish at 6pm tonight, as was the no deposit intrest free credit over 10 years with guaranteed all yer money back too no doubt.
Phew ey?

Got 25% off...  

Tsk. Is THAT all?

DFS would have given you ar least 75%, but like I say like, the sale MUST end tonight at 6pm.
Looks like you may have missed out BIG time here BM.
I bet yer gutted ey? 

Never mind, the next sale MUST end next tuesday at 6pm, so we're all still in with a chance ey. Sweet as a nut.

 

[GROWLER]

Yup!


Full story when I get back......... If I remember that I've promised to tell it.

Still not back I see. 

How unusual.

I reckon he didn't take an o/s map of Ikea.
I hope he took plenty of emergency supplies, blankets, Mars bars and a FULLY charged mobby.

[Nick]

I seem to be in Cheshire. Though driving all the way back without benefit of a rear view mirror was a bit dodgy. 

Is that illegal, like?

[Barman]

I seem to be in Cheshire. Though driving all the way back without benefit of a rear view mirror was a bit dodgy. 

Is that illegal, like?

Go on...

 

[GROWLER]

I seem to be in Cheshire. Though driving all the way back without benefit of a rear view mirror was a bit dodgy. 

Is that illegal, like?

Go on...

 

oh christ, don't bloody encourage him ffs.

[Nick]

I had to pick up a mahoosive family heirloom from my sister. It filled the back of the car and obscured my vision. Reversing out of parking spaces involved the help of armies of passers by all waving their arms about  

[Barman]

I had to pick up a mahoosive family heirloom from my sister. It filled the back of the car and obscured my vision. Reversing out of parking spaces involved the help of armies of passers by all waving their arms about  

A rug...? 

[Nick]

I seem to be in Cheshire. Though driving all the way back without benefit of a rear view mirror was a bit dodgy. 

Is that illegal, like?

Go on...

 

oh christ, don't bloody encourage him ffs.

Well I can't get the bastard out of the car now, so perhaps you would like to pop round and help me like.

I have cake  

[GROWLER]

I seem to be in Cheshire. Though driving all the way back without benefit of a rear view mirror was a bit dodgy.  

Is that illegal, like?

Go on...

 

oh christ, don't bloody encourage him ffs.

Well I can't get the bastard out of the car now, so perhaps you would like to pop round and help me like.

I have cake  

Mr Kipling slices no doubt....sorry CAKE in your werld in'it? 

Look like yer on yer own chummy.

[Nick]

 

[Snoopy]

I am returned to "Much Faffing on the Mount"

Yes I know that IKEA deliver their On-line stuff but that is not the same full range as the shops. Also I ordered these bookcases a month ago and they should have been delivered last week. On the Friday afternoon I got a call from the driver. He was in the village and couldn't find the house. He was also moaning about the traffic. I explained that to attempt to deliver on the High Street on a Friday at the end of the Easter Hols was asking for trouble as Rhyl has more caravans than any other town in the UK and the direct route is up or down the High Street ... Hence the traffic.

I then guided him to a parking bay opposite my house. He and his mate refused to carry the flat-packed bookcases across the road on "Health and Safety" grounds. I suggested that he park on this side of the street but he refused because there are double yellow lines outside my gate. I directed him to the rear entrance of the house but his vehicle was too big or he was too incompetent a driver to get down the private lane. He refused to walk the bookcases round the lane to the back door because it is a "private road".

I remained polite throughout and asked him how he intended to deliver the goods which I had already paid for (including a delivery charge). He said he couldn't. I asked him to repeat that statement into my phone/recorder. He refused (but I had already got him on tape).
He drove away ~ His depot called me and I recorded the conversation.
Them "Our driver says he can't get to your house, you were asked if there were any difficulties in delivery when you placed the order and you didn't tell us about the traffic or the yellow lines"
Me "You have delivered here before ~ in fact you delivered a sofa bed here 6 weeks ago"
Them "But you didn't tell us etc"
Me "I told you about the yellow lines and your driver parked on them 6 weeks ago. I don't have a crystal ball so did not know that you planned to deliver just as the mass exodus of caravans was going to happen."
Them: Well he says he can't deliver"
Me "Yes he told me that too. He could have avoided the yellow lines by parking in the marked bays opposite"
Them "We can't ask our staff to cross a road for Health and Safety reasons"
Me "So all your customers are supposed to provide a lollipop lady are they?"
Them "Don't patronise me"
me "Don't talk rot"
Them "No need to be rude"
Me "Get your manager to the phone NOW!"
10 minute wait before someone claiming to be the manager came on the line, clearly briefed and not willing to budge.
Him "Our staff have to make a risk assessment at each delivery and I support my driver if he says to cross the road would be dangerous"
Me "And parking on the yellow lines to off load like the last driver did?"
Him "Our staff cannot be asked to break the law"
Me "I suggest both you and they consult the law on the subject of loading and off loading then mate ~ anyway what about my alternative of delivering to the rear of the property?"
Him "My driver says it is too narrow an entrance to get his truck down"
Me "Amazing then that we can get a removal van down it and all the 10 properties that access from it have oil fired central heating and the oil tankers can get up and down it ~ perhaps you need to get some drivers who can drive"
Him "I trust my staff"
Me "Good, I'm glad to hear that .... now what are you going to do about my goods?"
Him "We'll send them out on a transit"
Me "When"
Him "In four weeks time"
Me "Sorry but the arrangement was for today. I am prepared to wait one week"
Him "Can't do it. Four weeks or nothing"
Me "So you are refusing to honour the contract made under which I agreed to purchase the goods and pay for them 4 weeks ago and you agreed to deliver them today"
Him "Yes"
Me "Thank you ~ would you please arrange an immediate refund?"
Him "You'll have to pay delivery"
Me "Oh no I won't. I have a recording of your driver refusing to deliver and of you refusing to honour the contract. A full refund within 7 days sunshine or you can discuss it with Trading Standards"

I got the refund notification this morning and that is why we went to IKEA in person.
They did not have the bookcases I wanted but we had a nice little day out and bought something else instead.

FIN

[Nick]

Snoopy the Victorious