Today I will mostly be trying to coax Mr C down from the top of the walls.
He spoke to the Harridan this morning regarding the funeral.
1. He was told off for not being around at the weekend to take her calls. She will not call a mobile number despite his assurances that he would call her straight back.
2. She informed him that she had told Brenda (widow) that Lurkio could not attend as he was too shy. I will not expect Lurkio to attend his parents funerals merely dance on their graves.
3. She informed him that she had sorted out the flowers and decided which charity to donate money to and that he would comply.
4. She informed him that he was to attend his parents house at 10am and that they would go together.
5. When he informed her that we would make our own way there she expressed surprise and anger that I would be attending. She had in fact informed Brenda that I would not be attending she had already sorted the numbers out and one more would throw the whole thing out of kilter.
6. She informed him that she then had to go as she had to phone the widow to ensure that cheese sandwiches were provided for her and Mr Harridan as they are fish eating vegetarians.
Mr C is in his late 50s and 7 years ago his wife died of cancer. He has some idea of the trauma that Brenda and her family are going through. The thought of her having to faff around trying to remember sodding cheese sandwiches has sent him just about OTT. I will go and exert my calming influence.
If anyone from here, in the area on Friday should chance upon a hostelry with a black clad, lone female sitting outside, chewing thoughtfully upon curled up cheese sandwiches, blood upon her hands, it will probably be me.
