I've been out to avoid hearing the band playing in the park ... 
Now back and they've 5 minutes left ... the band's not bad but the vocalist's mike is too loud and he's slightly out of tune
In a slightly similar vein, on one of me rugby boards one of the "characters" made me smile with this about X Factor today
Don't watch it but if anyone doubts the ability of the utterly talentless to be given a stage, they should've been sat in our flat last night. We have a pub whose beergarden adjoins one wall, a couple of times a year this pub puts on live "entertainment". This has previously consisted of a Blues Brothers Tribute Band (John Belushi would be spinning in his grave), a Jam Tribute, various heavy rock bands etc. Most of whom, although not providing earth-shattering entertainment, were bearable.
Last night's band kicked off at 8.00pm and finished their first set around 9.15. They'd played cometently and although there was no obvious musical genre, they did inlude some gems such as Fun Loving Criminals "Scooby Snacks". The play resumed at 9.45, only this time with an added twist, they were joined on stage by what appeared to be two, possibly three females, who then proceeded to "sing" for the rest of the evening. Their reportoire was pretty eclectic and included songs such as: Johnny Kid & The Pirates' "Shaking all Over", Rober Palmer's "Bad Case of Loving You", Stevie Wonder's "I was made to Love Her" and The Beatles' "Day Tripper".
Through what appeared to be a determined and deliberate combination of tone-deafness, an inability to find, let alone hold a note, complete lack of harmonies, poor timing and unlearned lyrics, they proceeded to mangle every, and I do meany EVERY song in ther set list. I finally reached breaking point at about 10.30 and after considering walking around the corner and having a word with the landlord, decided on a more subtle approach.
I remembered that I'd bought a battery-powered loudhailer at a car boot sale, so after digging it out, I went downstairs to the covered alley that separates the two properties. I climbed a stepladder and waited for a break between songs, then using the megaphone through the gaps in the corrugated roof, gave them my critique. After the first broadside, on of the girls said "I'm sorry for the interruption", to which I replied: "Don't apologise for me, you should be apologising to any lover of music, you have voices that only a mother could love". I continued by listing all of their perceived faults and suggested that they hired a practise studio, instead of rehearsing in public. I ended by recommending that they should seek other means of finding a living and suggested that they apply to the cheese factory on Monday morning.
The rest of the night continued in blissful silence.
Oh JOM,
are you trying to tell us that, that, well, that you go somewhere else for your manly enjoyment and pleasures, that we are not enough for you?
sad24, :
