The all new "Where are you today?" thread

[Barman]

"Notice of intended prosecution (NIP)
I have received more than one NiP for speeding on the same day/over a couple of days close together, can I get these treated as one offence?

Where a person is convicted of an offence involving obligatory endorsement (i.e. bald tyres) and the person convicted has been charged with two or more offences committed on the same occasion (note the words Same Occasion are not defined!) the total number of penalty points to be attributed to them is the number or highest number that would be attributed to him on conviction of just one offence. In the case of the bald tyres, applying the above rule then only one set o f3 penalty points should be awarded notwithstanding the charge of 4 bald tyres."

Hmmm...

No luck.

I have just paid £97 to attend a Driver Awareness Course and a further £100 for the 2nd offence. My licence is currently winging it's way to have 3 points put on it.

 

Bastards! 

[Nick]

Buy a slower car 

[apc2010]

Buy a slower car 

Jim.......

[Barman]

Buy a slower car 

[Nick]

I am fighting lesbians

[apc2010]

I am fighting lesbians

Pay per view.......

[Barman]

I am fighting lesbians

Pay per view.......

Like the Origami championships?

[apc2010]

I am fighting lesbians

Pay per view.......

Like the Origami championships?

 

[The Moan Ranger]

I am fighting lesbians

My sympathies.  Gatwick employ lots of aggressive lesbians in their security functions. 

Most are extremely ugly, multi-pierced, short haired swamp donkeys.  With no manners, questionable personal hygiene and Tourette's, they alone will be responsible for Gatwick not getting a 2nd runway. Horrible creatures - but what do you expect being so close to Brighton...

[Nick]

Is it catching? 

[Grumpmeister]

Out earlier to pick up a computer and heard the dulcet cries of the (unfortunately not) lesser spotted mouthbreathing gormlessswamp donkeychavette trying to get her son to behave..

"Waaaaaayne! Waaaaaaaayne! Get off that fence right now and have your drink. Can't you stand still for one minute?"

Said spawn of satan darling child goes and gets his drink.....


a jumbo sized can of Red Bull   

I came so close to saying something along the lines of "Of course he can't stand still you dozy tart. You have given a big bloody can of Red Bull to a kid who can't be more than 5 or 6 years old. Did you think that necking the can would make him quiet, sleepy and well behaved? Wasn't there even the slightest spark of common sense that said 'giving him this is a bad idea because it will make him hyper'? Not to mention the health risks giving a child that much caffeine"

I have no idea how but I managed to hold my tongue.

 

[Nick]

I despair. I deal with the consequences of this...........

[Baldy]

I despair. I deal with the consequences of this...........

Your girlfriends? 

[apc2010]

Out earlier to pick up a computer and heard the dulcet cries of the (unfortunately not) lesser spotted mouthbreathing gormlessswamp donkeychavette trying to get her son to behave..

"Waaaaaayne! Waaaaaaaayne! Get off that fence right now and have your drink. Can't you stand still for one minute?"

Said spawn of satan darling child goes and gets his drink.....


a jumbo sized can of Red Bull   

I came so close to saying something along the lines of "Of course he can't stand still you dozy tart. You have given a big bloody can of Red Bull to a kid who can't be more than 5 or 6 years old. Did you think that necking the can would make him quiet, sleepy and well behaved? Wasn't there even the slightest spark of common sense that said 'giving him this is a bad idea because it will make him hyper'? Not to mention the health risks giving a child that much caffeine"

I have no idea how but I managed to hold my tongue.

 

 

[Nick]

Cow TV to London on a mission and then maybe a few collapso with Pasties