Author Topic: The all new "Where are you today?" thread  (Read 3667832 times)

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Online Nick

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52590 on: December 20, 2017, 10:47:27 AM »
 happy002 happy002 happy002
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52591 on: December 20, 2017, 10:57:01 AM »
Team crimbo meal  ...more food and booze and booze and food  cloud9:
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52592 on: December 20, 2017, 11:13:04 AM »
Team crimbo meal  ...more food and booze and booze and food  cloud9:

Note to self, check the headlines tomorrow for Miss D's drunken misadventures...  whistle:
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline Steve

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52593 on: December 20, 2017, 12:01:59 PM »
We should be tough on Team Crimbo and tough on the causes of Team Crimbo
Well, whatever, nevermind

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52594 on: December 20, 2017, 12:50:05 PM »
Moving House:

LL: Are we taking the calendar (which is held to the fridge with super-strong neodymium magnets)?
BM: Yes
LL: Okay, I've put the magnets in my purse
BM: Okay, but not close to any credit cards or anything obvs. facepalm:
LL:  eeek:

 noooo:
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Online Nick

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52595 on: December 20, 2017, 12:52:26 PM »
 noooo: noooo:
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52596 on: December 20, 2017, 12:54:45 PM »
Moving House:

LL: Are we taking the calendar (which is held to the fridge with super-strong neodymium magnets)?
BM: Yes
LL: Okay, I've put the magnets in my purse
BM: Okay, but not close to any credit cards or anything obvs. facepalm:
LL:  eeek:

 noooo:

You've fallen for LL's genius plan, she won't be able to replace her cards until after christmas so that leaves you paying for everything for the time being...  whistle:
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52597 on: December 20, 2017, 01:03:13 PM »
Moving House:

LL: Are we taking the calendar (which is held to the fridge with super-strong neodymium magnets)?
BM: Yes
LL: Okay, I've put the magnets in my purse
BM: Okay, but not close to any credit cards or anything obvs. facepalm:
LL:  eeek:

 noooo:

You've fallen for LL's genius plan, she won't be able to replace her cards until after christmas so that leaves you paying for everything for the time being...  whistle:

From the joint bank account...? Woe is me eh...? ::)
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Online Nick

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52598 on: December 20, 2017, 01:19:26 PM »
Knocked off a quick narticle for the TES:


Like a friendly elephant

The Interim Manager in FE is a lonely breed. We roam the savannas of FE like friendly elephants. We arrive to no induction and we leave without a tearful leaving do. Some of us do unpopular things and disappear before anyone realises we are to blame. We also spend too much time in hotels and questionable restaurants in places we would never voluntarily visit. It is not glamorous.
We compare notes with others via e mail and vie for which of us is in the ghastliest Travel Lodge that week. We borrow the hotel iron and ironing board and our best friend is Ms SatNav as we generally have no clue where we are. We are expendable and itinerant. It can be great fun.
 I am presently on a mission in The North. No names, but a lovely cheery bunch of staff and a great team. We shall spend a few weeks together and then I shall vanish in a puff of exhaust smoke. So it goes.
One is brought in to sort out problems and make a difference. Often it’s essential to achieve a great deal in a short time. This is both essential and unpopular. Sometimes one encounters resistance. Walking past Reception one day (I was wearing a suit, and suits mean trouble), I was pointed at by a member of staff, “That’s him,” she yelled to her friend, pointing at me. I had never met them. What had I done? I bravely kept moving.
Another time, I was stopped by a man wearing a UCU lanyard (for people like me, this is the equivalent of coming across something in nature with black and yellow stripes). “I see you around a lot,” he said, “but I don’t know who you are or what you do.” I politely introduced myself and explained that I was the interim Head of Marketing. He paused. “Ah,” said, “the Josef Goebbels of the college.”
I thanked him for the compliment, pointing out that the good Doctor was very successful at what he did (at least, up to the point where he murdered his children, shot his wife, blew his brains out and had the whole family burned in a ditch. Still, every career has its blips.)
You have to get under the skin of the place very rapidly. One thing I have learned over the years is that FE has a vast untapped resource of intelligence. The cleaners, the caretakers and the security guards are there all hours and often know more about the college than anyone else.  At a college in Kent once, the Principal gave me a quick rundown of the college’s predicament.
An hour later the caretaker told me exactly the same tale, though rather more entertainingly, adding, “But I don’t think the Principal knows any of this.”
I have now done work in more than 70 FE colleges and they never fail to amaze. I see some fantastic work and I witness some things that would scarcely be believed in the world outside. One college had a life size Dalek (though the exterminator gun had, of course, been removed on the orders of the Health and Safety Manager). Leaving the building one day just before an Open Day I heard the Head of Engineering giving the command, “Charge up the Dalek!” Only in FE does this seem normal.
Someone recently asked me whether I planned to retire. I told him that I would continue to work in FE until someone noticed that I had an advanced case of Alzheimer’s. At this point I will be taken to a semi-secure institution full of bewildered people. I’ll be quite happy as I will think I am still working in FE.
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Offline Steve

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Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52600 on: December 20, 2017, 01:58:31 PM »
Knocked off a quick narticle for the TES:


Like a friendly elephant

The Interim Manager in FE is a lonely breed. We roam the savannas of FE like friendly elephants. We arrive to no induction and we leave without a tearful leaving do. Some of us do unpopular things and disappear before anyone realises we are to blame. We also spend too much time in hotels and questionable restaurants in places we would never voluntarily visit. It is not glamorous.
We compare notes with others via e mail and vie for which of us is in the ghastliest Travel Lodge that week. We borrow the hotel iron and ironing board and our best friend is Ms SatNav as we generally have no clue where we are. We are expendable and itinerant. It can be great fun.
 I am presently on a mission in The North. No names, but a lovely cheery bunch of staff and a great team. We shall spend a few weeks together and then I shall vanish in a puff of exhaust smoke. So it goes.
One is brought in to sort out problems and make a difference. Often it’s essential to achieve a great deal in a short time. This is both essential and unpopular. Sometimes one encounters resistance. Walking past Reception one day (I was wearing a suit, and suits mean trouble), I was pointed at by a member of staff, “That’s him,” she yelled to her friend, pointing at me. I had never met them. What had I done? I bravely kept moving.
Another time, I was stopped by a man wearing a UCU lanyard (for people like me, this is the equivalent of coming across something in nature with black and yellow stripes). “I see you around a lot,” he said, “but I don’t know who you are or what you do.” I politely introduced myself and explained that I was the interim Head of Marketing. He paused. “Ah,” said, “the Josef Goebbels of the college.”
I thanked him for the compliment, pointing out that the good Doctor was very successful at what he did (at least, up to the point where he murdered his children, shot his wife, blew his brains out and had the whole family burned in a ditch. Still, every career has its blips.)
You have to get under the skin of the place very rapidly. One thing I have learned over the years is that FE has a vast untapped resource of intelligence. The cleaners, the caretakers and the security guards are there all hours and often know more about the college than anyone else.  At a college in Kent once, the Principal gave me a quick rundown of the college’s predicament.
An hour later the caretaker told me exactly the same tale, though rather more entertainingly, adding, “But I don’t think the Principal knows any of this.”
I have now done work in more than 70 FE colleges and they never fail to amaze. I see some fantastic work and I witness some things that would scarcely be believed in the world outside. One college had a life size Dalek (though the exterminator gun had, of course, been removed on the orders of the Health and Safety Manager). Leaving the building one day just before an Open Day I heard the Head of Engineering giving the command, “Charge up the Dalek!” Only in FE does this seem normal.
Someone recently asked me whether I planned to retire. I told him that I would continue to work in FE until someone noticed that I had an advanced case of Alzheimer’s. At this point I will be taken to a semi-secure institution full of bewildered people. I’ll be quite happy as I will think I am still working in FE.
:thumbsup: 



Well, whatever, nevermind

Online Barman

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52601 on: December 20, 2017, 02:36:38 PM »
Knocked off a quick narticle for the TES:


Like a friendly elephant

The Interim Manager in FE is a lonely breed. We roam the savannas of FE like friendly elephants. We arrive to no induction and we leave without a tearful leaving do. Some of us do unpopular things and disappear before anyone realises we are to blame. We also spend too much time in hotels and questionable restaurants in places we would never voluntarily visit. It is not glamorous.
We compare notes with others via e mail and vie for which of us is in the ghastliest Travel Lodge that week. We borrow the hotel iron and ironing board and our best friend is Ms SatNav as we generally have no clue where we are. We are expendable and itinerant. It can be great fun.
 I am presently on a mission in The North. No names, but a lovely cheery bunch of staff and a great team. We shall spend a few weeks together and then I shall vanish in a puff of exhaust smoke. So it goes.
One is brought in to sort out problems and make a difference. Often it’s essential to achieve a great deal in a short time. This is both essential and unpopular. Sometimes one encounters resistance. Walking past Reception one day (I was wearing a suit, and suits mean trouble), I was pointed at by a member of staff, “That’s him,” she yelled to her friend, pointing at me. I had never met them. What had I done? I bravely kept moving.
Another time, I was stopped by a man wearing a UCU lanyard (for people like me, this is the equivalent of coming across something in nature with black and yellow stripes). “I see you around a lot,” he said, “but I don’t know who you are or what you do.” I politely introduced myself and explained that I was the interim Head of Marketing. He paused. “Ah,” said, “the Josef Goebbels of the college.”
I thanked him for the compliment, pointing out that the good Doctor was very successful at what he did (at least, up to the point where he murdered his children, shot his wife, blew his brains out and had the whole family burned in a ditch. Still, every career has its blips.)
You have to get under the skin of the place very rapidly. One thing I have learned over the years is that FE has a vast untapped resource of intelligence. The cleaners, the caretakers and the security guards are there all hours and often know more about the college than anyone else.  At a college in Kent once, the Principal gave me a quick rundown of the college’s predicament.
An hour later the caretaker told me exactly the same tale, though rather more entertainingly, adding, “But I don’t think the Principal knows any of this.”
I have now done work in more than 70 FE colleges and they never fail to amaze. I see some fantastic work and I witness some things that would scarcely be believed in the world outside. One college had a life size Dalek (though the exterminator gun had, of course, been removed on the orders of the Health and Safety Manager). Leaving the building one day just before an Open Day I heard the Head of Engineering giving the command, “Charge up the Dalek!” Only in FE does this seem normal.
Someone recently asked me whether I planned to retire. I told him that I would continue to work in FE until someone noticed that I had an advanced case of Alzheimer’s. At this point I will be taken to a semi-secure institution full of bewildered people. I’ll be quite happy as I will think I am still working in FE.

 lol: lol: lol:

What is this shite? Shrugs:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52602 on: December 20, 2017, 02:42:02 PM »
Wine is on offer at Lidl - buy four, get two free...  cloud9:

Some cheeky bastard Cypriot asked me if I had a shop...  redface:

 ;D ;D Thumbs:

Offline apc2010

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52603 on: December 20, 2017, 02:43:22 PM »
Moving House:

LL: Are we taking the calendar (which is held to the fridge with super-strong neodymium magnets)?
BM: Yes
LL: Okay, I've put the magnets in my purse
BM: Okay, but not close to any credit cards or anything obvs. facepalm:
LL:  eeek:

 noooo:

Where to ......... rubschin:

Online Barman

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Re: The all new "Where are you today?" thread
« Reply #52604 on: December 20, 2017, 02:50:34 PM »
Wine is on offer at Lidl - buy four, get two free...  cloud9:

Some cheeky bastard Cypriot asked me if I had a shop...  redface:

 ;D ;D Thumbs:

And some English woman said, "are you having a party, can I come?"...  redface:
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