The all new "Where are you today?" thread

[Darwins Selection]

Just been explaining to Miss I that I am, effectively, the VD's housewife: shopping, cooking, hoovering, washing up....

Miss I says, "I could do with some of that." 

Thought she had already had VD... 

 

 

[Nick]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

[Barman]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

Any of us would do it for free...

...assuming you put cash behind the bar obvs. 

[apc2010]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

Any of us would do it for free...

...assuming you put cash behind the bar obvs. 

FREE..........

[Nick]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

Any of us would do it for free...

...assuming you put cash behind the bar obvs. 

 

Free disco, you say

[Darwins Selection]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

In the top 5 'feel-good' promises, along with "I will always put flowers on your grave", "I will think of you every day", "I will return everything I borrowed to your family" etc, etc

When it comes to it, she will provide a CD of Sung Kaddish and a post-it note for the coffin.

[Barman]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

Any of us would do it for free...

...assuming you put cash behind the bar obvs. 

FREE..........

Any of us (apart from Apey) would do it for free...

[Barman]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

In the top 5 'feel-good' promises, along with "I will always put flowers on your grave", "I will think of you every day", "I will return everything I borrowed to your family" etc, etc

When it comes to it, she will provide a CD of Sung Kaddish and a post-it note for the coffin.

[apc2010]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

Any of us would do it for free...

...assuming you put cash behind the bar obvs. 

 

Free disco, you say

Plus expenses.......

[Nick]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

In the top 5 'feel-good' promises, along with "I will always put flowers on your grave", "I will think of you every day", "I will return everything I borrowed to your family" etc, etc

When it comes to it, she will provide a CD of Sung Kaddish and a post-it note for the coffin.

 

[Steve]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

Any of us would do it for free...

...assuming you put cash behind the bar obvs. 

And he doesn't mind holding on for 10 years while the 3D printer prints a coffin

[Barman]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

Any of us would do it for free...

...assuming you put cash behind the bar obvs. 

And he doesn't mind holding on for 10 years while the 3D printer prints a coffin

Would you settle for a little urn...? 

[Steve]

You are all horrid    Miss I is an sweetheart and so is the Vicar's Daughter (and her mum, who is kindly doing my funeral for free  )

Any of us would do it for free...

...assuming you put cash behind the bar obvs. 

And he doesn't mind holding on for 10 years while the 3D printer prints a coffin

Would you settle for a little urn...? 

  ?

 

[Grumpmeister]

At last back from work I am. Dealing with idiot students today I have been, drop the IQ level of Essex when they go home it will. 

Asked by one I was "How do I tell which is the door for screen one and which is the one for screen 2?"

Reply I wanted to "Know I do not, but suspect I do that above the door that number a clue is..." 

Complained another one did that she and her other half were both sitting in 12A but no sofas in that screen there were

Reply to this idiot I wanted to "Age rating that is, not seat number. Lucky you are that IQ rating it is not or allowed to see the film you wouldn't be..."

Pull finger out Mr Darwin sir must, breed these idiots must not. Idiocy leads to frustration, frustration leads to anger, anger leads to a desire to cause them suffering... 

Working tomorrow I am not, unopened bottle of Dan Akroyd vodka looking at I am. Drink to forget I might. 

[Steve]