Latest from the THW, who I may have mentioned has turned vegetarian in sympathy with her bf who has been veggy all his life, is that she doesn't want to eat meat on Christmas day. Fair enough, she doesn't want to eat meat at any time, we accept that.
SOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo ........... Last evening we were discussing the Christmas menus. I asked the assembled children when they wanted their Christmas dinner, options being either at about 2pm or in the evening. I cautioned that I would be most displeased if they opted for evening and then spent all day picking at food and guzzling chocs etc rendering them "Too full" to eat the main meal. Minor said he would prefer to eat in the evening, which I have to say would be the choice of both parents but we had decided to let them choose. Minimus said he would probably be too tired to eat come evening and would likely fall asleep in front of the TV (he does a good line in falling asleep into his plate given half a chance). THW said she INSISTED that it was Christmas Lunch and why did we want to interfere with the traditions she had grown up with
So I poured oil onto the troubled waters saying that we were asking what they wanted, we were not saying what we wanted but given the morning rituals of phoning the whole freaking world and his dog on Christmas morning and remembering last Christmas Day when she threw a strop when told to get off the phone to come and eat we had thought we ought to "consult"....... "After all you are no longer little children are you? Your mother and I thought you might like to have a say in what happens"
THW (ignoring my attempt at peacemaking):
"Can't I even wish my boyfriend a Merry Christmas now?????"
Me: "Yes dear, of course you may but not for three fecking hours!"
Me(Taking a deep breath): "So we have one wanting an evening meal and two wanting to have it at lunchtime. Sorry Minor but it looks like a 2pm target has been agreed"
"Fine" says Minor and turns back to his game on the Wii.
Then she starts ................ "What are we having?"
Me: "Goose"
THW: "I don't want that"
Me: "We know .......... so what would you like instead?"
THW Long pause ........... "Macaroni Cheese and toast"
SWWLTBO
and leaves room with face like
.
And I say ....... "We are cooking a full meal, that will include Roast Potatoes, Roast Parsnips, Butter Beans, Sprouts, Carrots, Peas, Runner Beans, Mashed Potato, Sage and Onion Stuffing, Cranberry & Orange Sauce, Bread Sauce and for those that want it, Roast Goose with Bacon and Sausage Rolls. This will be followed by Sorbet, Christmas Pudding with Cream and Brandy Butter, Cheese Board and Crackers with Grapes, Mints and coffee. There will be wine for the adults and port to have with the cheese. Your mother will probably drink sherry before the meal and I will have Gin and Tonic. ........... Now given that your plate WILL contain Roast Potatoes, Roast Parsnips, Butter Beans, Sprouts, Carrots, Peas, Runner Beans, Mashed Potato, Sage and Onion Stuffing, with the option to help yourself to Cranberry & Orange Sauce and Bread Sauce as desired the question is
what do you want us to prepare as a substitute for the meat which we readily accept you don't want?"
THW: "I don't want any Christmas Dinner cooked with meat ~ I want Macaroni Cheese and Toast which is my favourite"
I called her an ungrateful brat and asked if she was deliberately trying to spoil everyone's enjoyment of Christmas as she had with last year's tantrums. I went on to ask if she really expected her mother to be happy at having to prepare Macaroni Cheese and Toast when she was also cooking such a Christmas Dinner. I reminded her that the cooker has only four rings and two ovens and that whilst popping a simple substitute (Nut Cutlet or similar) into the oven for her to have instead of the meat was not a problem cooking an entirely separate meal would be.
THW: "Well ..... If you can't be bothered then I'll cook my own"
Me (Not unreasonably I thought) "So where do you plan to install your own cooker then?"
THW (in injured tones of incredulity) "You are saying I can't use the cooker in the kitchen?" .
"No dear, I am telling you that the logistics just don't work, but surely with all your GCSEs you can work that out"
Left her to stew whilst I went into the kitchen from whence I could hear the sounds of crashing cupboard doors as pots &pans were being thrown into them, attempted to mollify SWWLTBO by offering her a glass of something. She replied "Give me the bloody bottle and I'll go and beat her to fecking death with it". Poured SWWLTBO a very large malt and went back to THW.
"Right" I said, brightly "That's sorted then, Christmas lunch/dinner will be served at 1400 hrs on the due day and you madam will have Macaroni Cheese, toast and
Roast Potatoes, Roast Parsnips, Butter Beans, Sprouts, Carrots, Peas, Runner Beans, Mashed Potato, Sage and Onion Stuffing, with the option to help yourself to Cranberry & Orange Sauce and Bread Sauce. That is the end of the debate ~ Go to your room and bloody tidy it ....NOW!"
Just another normal day really 
