Office Jargon reduction plea - again

[Miss Demeanour]

Bit of a long journey back prolly - plus the tearful goodbyes 

You can't wear briefs and lycra - a VPL in the gym is a definite no no 

[Nick]

I have that sixth sense that this thread is about to hit the gutter 

[Snoopy]

[The Moan Ranger]

We had the "Voyage of discovery" whereby all line managers were obliged to try and get their young, moronic staff to describe the "thing" they wanted to do - really - in life, not work related. Usual shite about doing a world tour and saving starving orphans. I told then I wanted to ride the TT course in a competitive environment and asked whether they would stump up the necessary funds to give me a fully race ready GSXR750. This was yet another time when I was told I was being "difficult" and "not setting an example" to the youngsters.

Good. Any youngster that falls for that shit is obviously a total brain-dead sheep.

[Miss Demeanour]

We recently underwent a Learning and Development day for managers and had to do the usual ice breaker thing of learning something interesting about who you were paired with and then relaying this to the group. The bloke I was with stated his 'interesting fact' was that he had recently bought a Gloucestershire Old Spot pig and had built a pen for it in his garden. His intention was to slaughter it and eat it this Easter 

Only trouble was when relaying this there was an very alarmed veggie activist in the group and a huge argument broke out about this  - the trainer was not able to bring the group back together for at least half an hour after this 

[Darwins Selection]

I think I could have some evil fun in a modern office environment.

[Nick]

We recently underwent a Learning and Development day for managers and had to do the usual ice breaker thing of learning something interesting about who you were paired with and then relaying this to the group. The bloke I was with stated his 'interesting fact' was that he had recently bought a Gloucestershire Old Spot pig and had built a pen for it in his garden. His intention was to slaughter it and eat it this Easter 

Only trouble was when relaying this there was an very alarmed veggie activist in the group and a huge argument broke out about this  - the trainer was not able to bring the group back together for at least half an hour after this 

[Uncle Mort]

I think I could have some evil fun in a modern office environment.

Indeed, we are a mollycoddled lot and have never seen a turnip "red in tooth and claw"

[Darwins Selection]

I think I could have some evil fun in a modern office environment.

Indeed, we are a mollycoddled lot and have never seen a turnip "red in tooth and claw"

I bet you think they grow on trees

[Uncle Mort]

I think I could have some evil fun in a modern office environment.

Indeed, we are a mollycoddled lot and have never seen a turnip "red in tooth and claw"

I bet you think they grow on trees

They don't root about on forest floor then?

[Darwins Selection]

I think I could have some evil fun in a modern office environment.

Indeed, we are a mollycoddled lot and have never seen a turnip "red in tooth and claw"

I bet you think they grow on trees

They don't root about on forest floor then?

You are thinking of the extinct North-European Neo-Turnip. neepus jockus, hunted to extinction by the Roman Ninth Legion.

The type available today is swedus blandus, which is of couse aquatic.

[Miss Demeanour]

Centralization (syn: merging, coordination): When you have lots of money and want credit for dispensing it

Decentralization (syn: devolution, regionalization): When you have run out of money and want to pass the buck (i.e. the blame, not the money) down and out

Accordianization When you need to keep everyone confused by instituting continuous cycles of centralization and decentralization. Best example: the NHS

Equalization When you have not (yet) sorted out which side is going to win

Interpositionization When you need to insert shock-absorbing lackeys between patients and managers to protect the latter from being held accountable (this strategy is often misrepresented as an attempt to help patients)

Indecisionization trees When you are massively uncertain and incompetent, picking numbers out of the air and placing them in diagrams. Also used as a party game at management retreats

Matrixization structure When your indecision tree has been exposed as meaningless twaddle, the introduction of a second indecision tree at right angles to it

Obfuscasization When you need to hide the fact that you have not a clue what is really going on, or what you should do about it. Makes heavy use of phrases such as ?at this moment in time? instead of ?now?, and transforms things that are simple and obvious into complicated and impenetrable muddles

R&Dization When you have been exposed as a power-mad fraud and are offered a compensation package just to get you out of town. Employs the ?Rake it in and Disappear? ploy

Black hole effect When a reorganization absorbs large amounts of money and human resources without producing any measurable output

Honesty When your corporate conscience urges you to admit that when you say, ?It?s not the money it?s the principle?, it is the money. A dangerous and abandoned strategy, included here for historic purposes only.

[Snoopy]

So good you posted it twice. 

[Uncle Mort]

Come again?

[Snoopy]

It's an echo Uncle ~ like New York