Look you great plank, christ knows how you can manage to buckle two wheels in the first place, but get yerself down the 'scrappy' for a couple of replacements.
Steel ones as well, not more poncey alloy nonsense.
Rusty steel rims won't get pinched either, so locking nuts won't be needed.
Get some 8-ply tyres as well, if the Scally roads are really that bad.
It has been known for him to
slightly exagerate on a few occassions,
so take what he sez with a tiny pinch of salt.
The roads around here are fairly bad in places, but absolutely no worse than any other county I've driven through over the last 6 months tbh.
He does however have his own...alledgedly, so he says like....micro climate, where ginger bearded dinasours no doubt freely roam and rummage through the foresty undergrowth, whilst herds of man eating hungry screaming Teredactyl swoop majestically above all day long.