Jeremy Kyle's 12 Days of Christmas;
12 Cans of Carling
11 DNA tests
10 Dads to choose from
9 teeth between them
8 squeezed in tracksuits
7 stinking smackrats
6 Dunlop trainers
..........5 stolen rings
4 fat slags
3 ugly twats
2 timing dickheads
and a wanker who parades them on TV