Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 791825 times)

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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1440 on: June 06, 2012, 12:41:28 PM »
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a Chinese Businessman, and an Aussie, were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those bastards?  We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I'm losing my patience!'

The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money!'

The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the green keeper.  Let's have a word with him.'

'Hello, George!', said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year. We are forever grateful. We always let them play for free anytime.'

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic Priest was the first to speak, and said, 'That's so sad. God forgive us. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

The Indian Doctor said, 'Vishnu, I repent. Good idea priest.  I will also contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'

The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I'm writing a cheque at this very moment. $50,000 to these brave souls.'

The Aussie said, 'Why can't they fucking play at night?'

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1441 on: June 06, 2012, 12:45:16 PM »
 lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1442 on: June 06, 2012, 04:03:42 PM »
 lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Uncle Mort

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1443 on: June 08, 2012, 03:27:10 PM »
Muscle contraction

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 
'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied,
'Probably golfing with his mates.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1444 on: June 08, 2012, 04:10:13 PM »
 happy002 happy002
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1445 on: June 09, 2012, 04:01:35 AM »
Tomorrow, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is.

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1446 on: June 09, 2012, 04:19:33 AM »
Tomorrow, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is.

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1447 on: June 09, 2012, 05:08:32 AM »
Tomorrow, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is.

Oi! I got that one last night and meant to post it cussing:

I know Barman, "I snooze" etc
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1448 on: June 09, 2012, 05:20:37 AM »
Tomorrow, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy is.

Oi! I got that one last night and meant to post it cussing:

I know Barman, "I snooze" etc

Of course, of course....  ::)
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Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1449 on: June 09, 2012, 06:02:11 AM »
A man and his wife arrive at the airport...

The man says to his wife, "Did you bring the piano dear?"

She says, "Of course not, why?"

He says, "Because the passports are on top of it."
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1450 on: June 09, 2012, 06:36:15 AM »
A man and his wife arrive at the airport...

The man says to his wife, "Did you bring the piano dear?"

She says, "Of course not, why?"

He says, "Because the passports are on top of it."

It happens! On $kynews yesterday they were reporting on the build up to the Euro-wotsit and said "we don't normally do this, but we're giving Seamus Murphy (or similar) a big shout-out. Hope you've arrived safely for the tournament Seamus, but you've left your match tickets at Dublin airport"  noooo:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1451 on: June 09, 2012, 07:27:59 AM »
A man and his wife arrive at the airport...

The man says to his wife, "Did you bring the piano dear?"

She says, "Of course not, why?"

He says, "Because the passports are on top of it."

It happens! On $kynews yesterday they were reporting on the build up to the Euro-wotsit and said "we don't normally do this, but we're giving Seamus Murphy (or similar) a big shout-out. Hope you've arrived safely for the tournament Seamus, but you've left your match tickets at Dublin airport"  noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1452 on: June 14, 2012, 01:23:19 PM »
I've been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days.

It's on its last legs now.




The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2012, 01:25:21 PM by The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Young's) »

Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1453 on: June 14, 2012, 02:21:17 PM »


Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1454 on: June 14, 2012, 02:55:36 PM »
I've been slowly torturing a centipede for the past 98 days.

It's on its last legs now.


 lol: lol: lol:
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