Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 791931 times)

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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1455 on: June 17, 2012, 06:06:06 PM »
ON THE ELDERLY


An elderly guy had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%
The guy went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gent replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
 
 
Probably an AFFS momnet here...
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two guys were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'


 
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember…
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure....’
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs... She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'  lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1456 on: June 17, 2012, 07:04:15 PM »

Japanese couple having an argument

Husband "Sukitaki!"

Wife replies.. "Kowanini!"

Husband. "Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!"

Wife on her knees begging... "Mimi nakooudindsa tinkouji!"

Husband replies angrily.."Kina tim kouji!!"




















And look at you sitting there reading this as if you understand fuckin japanese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1457 on: June 17, 2012, 07:35:42 PM »
   
めちゃくちゃ取得    lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1458 on: June 18, 2012, 04:42:56 AM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1459 on: June 19, 2012, 07:23:03 PM »
As I walked down the busy footway with my wife, knowing we were late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, ragged souls that are found in every city these days.. Some people turned to stare; others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling Father Roy, who always admonished me to "Care for the sick, feed the hungry, and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.Wearing what can only be described as rags and carrying her treasured worldly possessions in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition. Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.
 
A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out and touch this person!"

















So I did.






I won't be at Mass this week...
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1460 on: June 19, 2012, 07:54:15 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1461 on: June 20, 2012, 11:01:18 AM »
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Offline apc2010

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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1463 on: June 21, 2012, 06:30:08 AM »
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology which was explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".  The husband turned to his wife and said, "That is an absolute bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.


 
 
She said: "Out of all your mates, you have the biggest dick."
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1464 on: June 21, 2012, 07:31:05 AM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1465 on: June 25, 2012, 07:22:58 PM »
What do you call a cow that just had a baby?                                         












 Decalfinated
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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1466 on: June 25, 2012, 07:23:34 PM »
 tunble:
Warning: May contain Skub
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1467 on: June 25, 2012, 07:25:55 PM »
I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome
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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1468 on: June 25, 2012, 07:29:41 PM »


Warning: May contain Skub
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1469 on: June 26, 2012, 10:13:54 AM »
I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome

 lol: lol: lol:
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