Fresh from the Inbox

[Just One More]

It was Christmas eve and a couple were doing last minute shopping when her husband disappeared she phoned him on his mobile ,"Where are you?",
In a calm voice, he replied, "darling remember the jewellery shop we went into 5 years ago , and you fell in love with that diamond necklace, that we could not afford, and I said one day I would get it for you?", her eyes filled with tears, "yes I remember" she said.




"Well I'm in the pub next door to that." 

[Nick]

 

[apc2010]

It was Christmas eve and a couple were doing last minute shopping when her husband disappeared she phoned him on his mobile ,"Where are you?",
In a calm voice, he replied, "darling remember the jewellery shop we went into 5 years ago , and you fell in love with that diamond necklace, that we could not afford, and I said one day I would get it for you?", her eyes filled with tears, "yes I remember" she said.




"Well I'm in the pub next door to that." 

 

[Baldy]

It was Christmas eve and a couple were doing last minute shopping when her husband disappeared she phoned him on his mobile ,"Where are you?",
In a calm voice, he replied, "darling remember the jewellery shop we went into 5 years ago , and you fell in love with that diamond necklace, that we could not afford, and I said one day I would get it for you?", her eyes filled with tears, "yes I remember" she said.




"Well I'm in the pub next door to that." 

     

[Barman]

It was Christmas eve and a couple were doing last minute shopping when her husband disappeared she phoned him on his mobile ,"Where are you?",
In a calm voice, he replied, "darling remember the jewellery shop we went into 5 years ago , and you fell in love with that diamond necklace, that we could not afford, and I said one day I would get it for you?", her eyes filled with tears, "yes I remember" she said.




"Well I'm in the pub next door to that." 

 

[Baldy]

Tony Blair and David Cameron somehow ended up at the same barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves & trims, the one who had Blair in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Blair was quick to stop him jokingly saying, "No thanks, my wife Cherie, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Cameron and said, "How about you" Mr Cameron?"

Cameron replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like".

[Barman]

Tony Blair and David Cameron somehow ended up at the same barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves & trims, the one who had Blair in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Blair was quick to stop him jokingly saying, "No thanks, my wife Cherie, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Cameron and said, "How about you" Mr Cameron?"

Cameron replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like".

[Just One More]

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered
with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your
fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”, then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"



The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

[Just One More]

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"

Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........

"What . ... . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"

[Barman]

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered
with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your
fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”, then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"



The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

 

[Barman]

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"

Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........

"What . ... . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"

 

[boogs]

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"

Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........

"What . ... . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"

 

[boogs]

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered
with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your
fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”, then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"



The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

 

[Nick]

 

[Steve]

catching up mode 

I surprised my new female post lady this morning by sticking my cock through the letter box. I don’t know if she was more shocked at seeing my cock or the fact I knew where she lived !

My gilfriend was texting me all day yesterday saying she was in casualty, I watched all 50 minutes of it last night and I didn't see her once. She's still not home yet either......

It was Christmas eve and a couple were doing last minute shopping when her husband disappeared she phoned him on his mobile ,"Where are you?",
In a calm voice, he replied, "darling remember the jewellery shop we went into 5 years ago , and you fell in love with that diamond necklace, that we could not afford, and I said one day I would get it for you?", her eyes filled with tears, "yes I remember" she said.




"Well I'm in the pub next door to that." 

Tony Blair and David Cameron somehow ended up at the same barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves & trims, the one who had Blair in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Blair was quick to stop him jokingly saying, "No thanks, my wife Cherie, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Cameron and said, "How about you" Mr Cameron?"

Cameron replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like".

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered
with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your
fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”, then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"



The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"

Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........

"What . ... . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"

   JOM and Baldy