Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

(this might well be an Affs)

Following a spate of break-ins recently in our area.

I've torn out my Alarm system, and I’ve de-registered from Neighbourhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner, and an IS black flag in the centre.
The Local police, Special Branch and other Intelligence Services are now all watching our house --24/7.
We've never felt safer !!

[Barman]

(this might well be an Affs)

Following a spate of break-ins recently in our area.

I've torn out my Alarm system, and I’ve de-registered from Neighbourhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner, and an IS black flag in the centre.
The Local police, Special Branch and other Intelligence Services are now all watching our house --24/7.
We've never felt safer !!

 

[Baldy]

(this might well be an Affs)

Following a spate of break-ins recently in our area.

I've torn out my Alarm system, and I’ve de-registered from Neighbourhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner, and an IS black flag in the centre.
The Local police, Special Branch and other Intelligence Services are now all watching our house --24/7.
We've never felt safer !!

 

[boogs]

(this might well be an Affs)

Following a spate of break-ins recently in our area.

I've torn out my Alarm system, and I’ve de-registered from Neighbourhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner, and an IS black flag in the centre.
The Local police, Special Branch and other Intelligence Services are now all watching our house --24/7.
We've never felt safer !!

 

 

[Barman]

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

[Steve]

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

[Steve]

Researchers for the Ministry of Transport found over 200 dead crows near Greater Manchester recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the
problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.  By analysing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car or motorcycle.  Ministry of Transport then hired an Ornithological behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.  They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry." ..

[apc2010]

Researchers for the Ministry of Transport found over 200 dead crows near Greater Manchester recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the
problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.  By analysing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car or motorcycle.  Ministry of Transport then hired an Ornithological behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.  They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry." ..

 

[apc2010]

Knighthood for the father of Viagra..............





Arise Sir John Thomas............

[Barman]

Researchers for the Ministry of Transport found over 200 dead crows near Greater Manchester recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the
problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.  By analysing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car or motorcycle.  Ministry of Transport then hired an Ornithological behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.  They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry." ..

[Just One More]

Researchers for the Ministry of Transport found over 200 dead crows near Greater Manchester recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the
problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.  By analysing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car or motorcycle.  Ministry of Transport then hired an Ornithological behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.  They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry." ..

  

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $289,000 and your mother just lost her job.    There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase

So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?'

Little Joseph told him, 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $289,000 mortgage and no fuckin' bike.

[apc2010]

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $289,000 and your mother just lost her job.    There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase

So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?'

Little Joseph told him, 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $289,000 mortgage and no fuckin' bike.

 

[Steve]

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $289,000 and your mother just lost her job.    There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase

So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?'

Little Joseph told him, 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $289,000 mortgage and no fuckin' bike.

 

[Steve]

Seems it's not all bad for Prince Andrew, he's been asked to play for Oldham Athletic or become head of the BBC.