Darwin Awards for 2014
SIXTH PLACE
Goes to a San Anselmo, CA, man who died, when he hit a lift tower, at the
Mammoth mountain ski area, while riding down the slope, on a foam pad.....
22-year old David Hubal, was pronounced dead, at Central Mammoth Hospital.
The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department
said.
"Hubal and his friends, apparently had hiked up a ski run, called Stump
Alley and removed some yellow foam protectors from lift towers," said Lt.
Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
"The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers.
The group apparently used the pads, to slide down the ski slope and Hubal
crashed into a tower."
It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one
with its pad removed.
FIFTH PLACE
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32
.
He was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk
threatened to call the Police.
Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out, without
paying.
Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener, from his throat, where it had choked
him to death.
FOURTH PLACE
Goes to poacher, Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him
on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
THIRD PLACE
"Man loses face at party."
A man at a West Virginia party, (probably related to the winner last year.
A man in Arkansas, who used the .22 bullet, to replace the fuse in his
pickup truck,) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering
an explosion, that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue.
"Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap, as a prank, during
the party, late Tuesday night,"
said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
"Another man, had a blasting cap in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was
trying to explode it.
It wouldn't go off and this guy said,
"I'll show you how to set it off!"
He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his
lips and tongue off," Payne said.
Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday, with extensive facial
injuries, according to a spokesperson, at Charleston Area Medical Division.
"I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that,"
Payne said.
(Note: Maybe that's why they call these the Darwin Awards)
SECOND PLACE
Doctors at Portland University Hospital, said an Oregon man shot through the
skull, by a hunting arrow, is lucky to be alive and will be released soon
from the hospital.
Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye, last weekend, during an initiation,
into a men's rafting club.
Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men
Anonymous,) in Grants Pass, Oregon.
A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
Robert's right eye.
Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood
vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the University Hospital in
Portland, said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip
protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow, managed to miss all major
blood vessels.
Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own,
he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friend had been drinking that
afternoon.
Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this."
THIS YEAR'S WINNER
John Pernicky and his friend, Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,
decided to attend a local Metallica concert, at the George Washington
amphitheater.
Having no tickets, (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it
would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.
Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and
then assist his friend over.
Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop, on the
other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm,) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts.
Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes
below him.
Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket
knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts, to free himself, from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes.
The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection
of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum.
To make matters worse, upon landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope
and tried to pull him to safety, by tying the rope to the pickup truck and
slowly driving away.
However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck into reverse and crashed
through the fence, landing on his friend and killing him.
Police arrived, to find the crashed pickup, with its driver thrown 100 feet,
from the truck and dead at the scene, from massive internal injuries.
Upon moving the truck, they found John deceased, under it, half-naked,
scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh,
and his shorts, dangling from a tree branch, 25 feet in the air.
Congratulations, gentlemen.
Five more idiots have been removed from the gene pool and we are richer
because of your supreme sacrifice.
