Fresh from the Inbox

[Nick]

I have a friend who revels in his pedantry. He just sent me this:

Ms A Blundell
Sales Director                          
Leading Labels Limited
Unit 2 Millfield Lane Trading Estate
Nether Poppleton
North Yorkshire
YO26 6PB

Dear Ms Blundell

Please take care of Rufus

On Friday I visited your store at Evesham Country Park. It has been such a pleasure to go shopping with Rufus, my large Alsatian, especially when shops don’t mind me bringing him in. You have no notices on the OUTSIDE of your doors banning dogs, so in we went.

I am sorry to say we didn’t make any purchases, but there a problem when we came to leave.

On the INSIDE of your doors are three prominent notices with the familiar No Dogs Allowed symbol (except guide dogs). Rufus is a pet, not a guide dog and I am keen to comply with signs and notices in retail areas. I totally respect your wishes for me not to take Rufus out of your shop and into the main shopping concourse.

Rufus and I have not been getting on so well recently; he has developed a rather nasty habit of chewing clothing. So it was with not too much sadness that I left him behind and went off shopping on my own.

Christmas is coming, so please look after him. I am sure he will be happy playing with the all other dogs people have had to leave behind.

Yours sincerely




David Smallwood

[Barman]

[Darwins Selection]

 
 

[Steve]

 

 
  

[Nick]

https://www.facebook.com/1915425988484782/videos/1987144257979621/

[Barman]

https://www.facebook.com/1915425988484782/videos/1987144257979621/

 

They spelt skellington incorrectly...

[Nick]

They need to bone up on that.

[Barman]

They need to bone up on that.

 

[Darwins Selection]

They need to bone up on that.

 

 
Outstanding

[Steve]

They need to bone up on that.

 

 
Outstanding

[Steve]

I've just come out of my local Chip Shop.

With a Meat and Potato Pie, Battered Rissole, Large Cod an Chips, Mushy Peas and a Jumbo Sausage.

This poor Homeless man was sat outside, and he said, "Hey mister. I've Not Eaten for Two Days".

"F*ck Me", I replied.
I wish I had your Will Power".

[Barman]

I've just come out of my local Chip Shop.

With a Meat and Potato Pie, Battered Rissole, Large Cod an Chips, Mushy Peas and a Jumbo Sausage.

This poor Homeless man was sat outside, and he said, "Hey mister. I've Not Eaten for Two Days".

"F*ck Me", I replied.
I wish I had your Will Power".

 

[Steve]

Things you can get away with saying only at Christmas.
1. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
2. Smother the butter all over the breasts!
3. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
4. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
5. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
6. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
7. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
8. You still have a little bit on your chin.
9. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
10.I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.

[apc2010]

Things you can get away with saying only at Christmas.
1. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
2. Smother the butter all over the breasts!
3. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
4. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
5. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
6. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
7. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
8. You still have a little bit on your chin.
9. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
10.I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.

 

[Uncle Mort]

Things you can get away with saying only at Christmas.
1. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
2. Smother the butter all over the breasts!
3. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
4. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
5. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
6. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
7. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
8. You still have a little bit on your chin.
9. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
10.I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.

 

Ho, Ho, Ho