Fresh from the Inbox

[Darwins Selection]

[Steve]

I see hey are going to stop audiences from doing the 'Mexican Wave' because of Health & Safety issues...





...I'm up in arms over it!

[Steve]

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.

[Barman]

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.

 

[Steve]

My driving instructor told me to pull over when it's safe.

Two minutes later he said "why havent you pulled over".

I said "we're still in Liverpool".

[Nick]

 

[Barman]

My driving instructor told me to pull over when it's safe.

Two minutes later he said "why havent you pulled over".

I said "we're still in Liverpool".

 

[The Moan Ranger]

Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life.

Her new album 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out soon.

[Darwins Selection]

Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life.

Her new album 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out soon.

[Uncle Mort]

Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life.

Her new album 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out soon.

[Barman]

Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life.

Her new album 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out soon.

[apc2010]

Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life.

Her new album 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out soon.

 

[Steve]

Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life.

Her new album 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out soon.

[Just One More]

Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life.

Her new album 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out soon.

          

[Steve]

Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is an Arsenal fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Arsenal fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" . "Because I'm not an Arsenal fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not an Arsenal fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Spurs fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Spurs fan?"
"Because my mum is a Spurs fan, and my dad is a Spurs fan, so I'm a Spurs fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Spurs fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a disease riddled prostitute and your dad was an inbred drug addict, what would you be then?"
'Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be an Arsenal fan".