Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

A Psychiatrist draws a triangle, "Now tell me, what's that?"
"A naked woman," replies the patient.
Psychiatrist draws a line, "Now tell me what you see.""A naked man," replies the patient.
Psychiatrist draws a load of circles, "Now what's that?""An orgy," replies the patient.
"I can conclude sir, that you are a sex maniac."
"Me? You're the one who's drawing all the dirty pictures."

[Barman]

A Psychiatrist draws a triangle, "Now tell me, what's that?"
"A naked woman," replies the patient.
Psychiatrist draws a line, "Now tell me what you see.""A naked man," replies the patient.
Psychiatrist draws a load of circles, "Now what's that?""An orgy," replies the patient.
"I can conclude sir, that you are a sex maniac."
"Me? You're the one who's drawing all the dirty pictures."

 

[Just One More]

I'm so fed up of your macho image, why don't you show me your feminine side for once?" Moaned my wife.
"OK, give me a minute, " I said, "right, " I then shouted, "I'm in the kitchen, can you come and open this fucking jar of pickles for me?"

[apc2010]

I'm so fed up of your macho image, why don't you show me your feminine side for once?" Moaned my wife.
"OK, give me a minute, " I said, "right, " I then shouted, "I'm in the kitchen, can you come and open this fucking jar of pickles for me?"

 

[Steve]

I'm so fed up of your macho image, why don't you show me your feminine side for once?" Moaned my wife.
"OK, give me a minute, " I said, "right, " I then shouted, "I'm in the kitchen, can you come and open this fucking jar of pickles for me?"

 

[Barman]

I'm so fed up of your macho image, why don't you show me your feminine side for once?" Moaned my wife.
"OK, give me a minute, " I said, "right, " I then shouted, "I'm in the kitchen, can you come and open this fucking jar of pickles for me?"

 

[Darwins Selection]

I'm so fed up of your macho image, why don't you show me your feminine side for once?" Moaned my wife.
"OK, give me a minute, " I said, "right, " I then shouted, "I'm in the kitchen, can you come and open this fucking jar of pickles for me?"

 

[Steve]

WIFE= Honey can you help me clean the garden?
HUSBAND= Do I look like a gardener?
Wife=Sorry Honey, could you help fix the bathroom door?
HUSBAND= Do I look like a carpenter?

The husband then decides to go for a drink. When he returns, the garden is cleaned and the bathroom door was fixed.

HUSBAND= I knew you could do all that by yourself.
WIFE= I didn't do it.
HUSBAND= Who then?
WIFE John, the next door neighbour.
HUSBAND= How much did you pay him?
WIFE=No money, he just gave me two options, Sex Or Bread.
HUSBAND= I hope you gave him bread!
WIFE= Do I look like a baker?

[apc2010]

WIFE= Honey can you help me clean the garden?
HUSBAND= Do I look like a gardener?
Wife=Sorry Honey, could you help fix the bathroom door?
HUSBAND= Do I look like a carpenter?

The husband then decides to go for a drink. When he returns, the garden is cleaned and the bathroom door was fixed.

HUSBAND= I knew you could do all that by yourself.
WIFE= I didn't do it.
HUSBAND= Who then?
WIFE John, the next door neighbour.
HUSBAND= How much did you pay him?
WIFE=No money, he just gave me two options, Sex Or Bread.
HUSBAND= I hope you gave him bread!
WIFE= Do I look like a baker?

 

[Barman]

WIFE= Honey can you help me clean the garden?
HUSBAND= Do I look like a gardener?
Wife=Sorry Honey, could you help fix the bathroom door?
HUSBAND= Do I look like a carpenter?

The husband then decides to go for a drink. When he returns, the garden is cleaned and the bathroom door was fixed.

HUSBAND= I knew you could do all that by yourself.
WIFE= I didn't do it.
HUSBAND= Who then?
WIFE John, the next door neighbour.
HUSBAND= How much did you pay him?
WIFE=No money, he just gave me two options, Sex Or Bread.
HUSBAND= I hope you gave him bread!
WIFE= Do I look like a baker?

 

[Steve]

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner.....unannounced at 7.30 after work.
His wife starts screaming at him and his friend just sits there and listens in.
WIFE= "My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight. Why the hell did you bring him home?"
HUSBAND= "Because he's thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo."

[apc2010]

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner.....unannounced at 7.30 after work.
His wife starts screaming at him and his friend just sits there and listens in.
WIFE= "My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight. Why the hell did you bring him home?"
HUSBAND= "Because he's thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo."

 

[Barman]

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner.....unannounced at 7.30 after work.
His wife starts screaming at him and his friend just sits there and listens in.
WIFE= "My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight. Why the hell did you bring him home?"
HUSBAND= "Because he's thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo."

 

 

[Darwins Selection]

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner.....unannounced at 7.30 after work.
His wife starts screaming at him and his friend just sits there and listens in.
WIFE= "My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight. Why the hell did you bring him home?"
HUSBAND= "Because he's thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo."

 

 

[apc2010]

I bumped into an old mate earlier...I asked him what he is up to these days ?????



"I cook meals for the homeless,drug addicts and people with addiction to drinking and gambling and that sort of thing"


" Charity work ???? " 








No Weatherspoons ........