Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

Just found out my uncle has left me and my Brother stately homes in his will.
We have no idea where Sod Hall or fuck hall are, I'm just off to Google it now!

 

[apc2010]

Anyone want to buy 1000 mini sausage rolls , 500 mini pork pies and 500 bags of cheesy wotsits?..................





Turns out I misread the headlines when I read everyone was picnic buying.............

[Steve]

Anyone want to buy 1000 mini sausage rolls , 500 mini pork pies and 500 bags of cheesy wotsits?..................





Turns out I misread the headlines when I read everyone was picnic buying.............

[Steve]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!

[Barman]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!

 

[Barman]

3 months into 2020 and already we've lost Kobe Bryant and Caroline Flack.

Philip Schofield comes onto social media and openly admits that he’s GAY, HARVEY WEINSTEIN IS A NONSE!

Australia fucking set on fire, WW3 was like legit just around the corner, several storms have hit us harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna.

Harry and Meghan have left the Royal Family, we’ve fucking left the EU, China's developed a virus which has found its way to Chorley, UK super markets are out of shit roll n pasta, were about to fall into deep recession, my mums washing her hands every 2 minutes and I've just seen a woman walking her chocolate lab and they both had fucking masks on!!

[Steve]

 

[The Moan Ranger]

3 months into 2020 and already we've lost Kobe Bryant and Caroline Flack.

Philip Schofield comes onto social media and openly admits that he’s GAY, HARVEY WEINSTEIN IS A NONSE!

Australia fucking set on fire, WW3 was like legit just around the corner, several storms have hit us harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna.

Harry and Meghan have left the Royal Family, we’ve fucking left the EU, China's developed a virus which has found its way to Chorley, UK super markets are out of shit roll n pasta, were about to fall into deep recession, my mums washing her hands every 2 minutes and I've just seen a woman walking her chocolate lab and they both had fucking masks on!!

I declare this post invalied - it's not a joke.

[Barman]

3 months into 2020 and already we've lost Kobe Bryant and Caroline Flack.

Philip Schofield comes onto social media and openly admits that he’s GAY, HARVEY WEINSTEIN IS A NONSE!

Australia fucking set on fire, WW3 was like legit just around the corner, several storms have hit us harder than Chris Brown hit Rihanna.

Harry and Meghan have left the Royal Family, we’ve fucking left the EU, China's developed a virus which has found its way to Chorley, UK super markets are out of shit roll n pasta, were about to fall into deep recession, my mums washing her hands every 2 minutes and I've just seen a woman walking her chocolate lab and they both had fucking masks on!!

I declare this post invalied - it's not a joke.

 

[apc2010]

Diane Abbott announces she's tested positive for VODIC-91.............

[Barman]

Diane Abbott announces she's tested positive for VODIC-91.............

[Steve]

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you, Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up,'"the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old woman replies,
"Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor.
Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."

[Barman]

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you, Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up,'"the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old woman replies,
"Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor.
Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."

 

[Barman]

It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France; otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation.

[Steve]

It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France; otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation.