Fresh from the Inbox

[Darwins Selection]

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.....I'm a gynecologist".

[Just One More]

Not from the inbox, but stolen from Vic Reeves

VR -  "What happens at the end of the Italian Job"
Ronnie Ancona - "Ooh, the coach hangs over the edge of the cliff, and the gold is just balancing blah blah............




VR - No,  the Italian wipes his arse 

[Barman]

 

[Just One More]

[Barman]

 

[Just One More]

From last nights Shameless, in the pub quiz...

Who said, "Please sir, I want some more"

Bobby Sands 

[Barman]

From last nights Shameless, in the pub quiz...

Who said, "Please sir, I want some more"

Bobby Sands 

[The Moan Ranger]

I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up.

That's me in the korma.

[Pirate]

I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up.

That's me in the korma.

 

[The Moan Ranger]

I said to my dyslexic mate, "Guess which band has split up?"

He said, "Erm..."

[Barman]

I said to my dyslexic mate, "Guess which band has split up?"

He said, "Erm..."

 

[The Moan Ranger]

I believe a lot of conflict in the old west could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

[Snoopy]

    

[Barman]

I believe a lot of conflict in the old west could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

[The Moan Ranger]

Somebody should start an e-petition to raise Twitter's character limit to 150, I think 140 isn't enough to get your point across, if you agree pl