Disgusterous

Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 791843 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1410 on: May 06, 2012, 05:53:54 AM »

Scousers Robbed - not a new headline but usually seen
with "Pensioner" as the third word

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1411 on: May 06, 2012, 07:33:50 AM »
My Jewish mate has been with his Tourette's suffering girlfriend for years now.

I always wondered what kept them together.

Then I saw the swear jar.

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1412 on: May 06, 2012, 08:30:57 AM »
My Jewish mate has been with his Tourette's suffering girlfriend for years now.

I always wondered what kept them together.

Then I saw the swear jar.

happy001
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Offline Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1413 on: May 07, 2012, 09:13:10 PM »
An Arab enters a taxi.   

Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion; and, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidels; and certainly no radio .........
 
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.   

The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?”
 
The cabby answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.   So piss off and wait for a camel.
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." 

Well, someone had to say it!

Offline Uncle Mort

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1414 on: May 07, 2012, 09:16:17 PM »
A comment from my niece's 9 year old daughter:

"Mummy, you and Grandma have used up all the wine and you haven't had your lunch yet?"

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1415 on: May 08, 2012, 05:28:55 AM »
A comment from my niece's 9 year old daughter:

"Mummy, you and Grandma have used up all the wine and you haven't had your lunch yet?"

 ;D

So much to learn  ;)
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1416 on: May 10, 2012, 02:14:08 PM »

I like to do my bit to combat piracy by shouting "CUNT!" every 20 minutes when I'm in the cinema..........

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1417 on: May 11, 2012, 06:15:45 AM »

I like to do my bit to combat piracy by shouting "CUNT!" every 20 minutes when I'm in the cinema..........

 lol:

Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1418 on: May 12, 2012, 07:48:15 AM »
Skubber

Offline Pirate

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1419 on: May 12, 2012, 10:22:45 AM »
AFFS...

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1420 on: May 12, 2012, 11:39:26 AM »

I like to do my bit to combat piracy by shouting "CUNT!" every 20 minutes when I'm in the cinema..........

happy001
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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1421 on: May 16, 2012, 06:39:17 AM »
Monopoly 2012 UK edition:

- the jail has no spaces left

- there's no free parking

- no-one can buy any houses because they can't get a mortgage

- win or lose, you still have to bail out the banker

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1422 on: May 16, 2012, 06:55:30 AM »
Many a true word eh  noooo:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Uncle Mort

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1423 on: May 16, 2012, 06:47:18 PM »
Probably another AFFS but I like it:

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term :

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:


If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

The student was given an A+

Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #1424 on: May 16, 2012, 06:53:49 PM »
affs



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