Fresh from the Inbox

[boogs]

An Irish woman of 75 years visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.

"Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra."

"What is Irish Viagra?," she asked.


"It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.

Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."


It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
 

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.


"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.

He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and a bulge in his pants!

With one swoop of his arms, he sent the cups and saucers flying, he ripped off me clothes

and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you,

an absolute nightmare!"


"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex wasn't good?"
 

"Freakin jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here,

I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

 

[boogs]

 

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. To check it out, she went to the Wall, and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.She watched him pray, and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg,"he replied

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall to pray?" 

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."


"And how do you feel  Sir, after doing this for 60 years?"     


"It's like talking to a fucking brick wall.."
       
 

[boogs]

After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear
to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like
to ask me about?'

'In fact I do.' said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually cold
and chilly and then after I have sex with her the second time I am
usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears
to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to
discuss with me?'  The lady replied that she had no questions or
concerns.

The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He
claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the
first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know
why?'

"Oh that stupid old fart'' she replied.  'That's because the first time
is usually in January and the second time is in July.

[Barman]

A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump.

 

A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"

 

The woman said "Hell no...get away from me!"

 

The bum turned to leave and muttered "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."

 

[Barman]

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. To check it out, she went to the Wall, and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.She watched him pray, and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg,"he replied

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall to pray?" 

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."


"And how do you feel  Sir, after doing this for 60 years?"     


"It's like talking to a fucking brick wall.."
     

 

[apc2010]

I met a bloke from Oklahoma this morning.

In my garden..........

[Steve]

A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, . . .

An Irish woman of 75 years visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. . . .

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man  . . .

After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man:  .  .

 

[Nick]

Ooh, are we playing Consequences?

[Steve]

Ooh, are we playing Consequences?

woz trying to save column inches (awates inuendoisms)

[Barman]

I met a bloke from Oklahoma this morning.

In my garden..........

[Baldy]

I met a bloke from Oklahoma this morning.

In my garden..........

 

[Nick]

[boogs]

 

[Steve]

 

[apc2010]

"Sometimes I wonder if you even remember what my face looks like,"











 

said my girlfriend's tits............