Disgusterous

Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 793928 times)

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Online apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2355 on: July 11, 2013, 12:21:52 PM »
Maybe an affs......... rubschin:

A man walked out onto the street and caught a taxi just going by.

He got into the taxi and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Brian, every single time.."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star - and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special.."

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Brian, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! No one could ever measure up to Brian."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his fucking widow!"

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2356 on: July 11, 2013, 12:26:36 PM »
happy001 happy001 happy001
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2357 on: July 11, 2013, 12:44:16 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2358 on: July 11, 2013, 02:44:31 PM »
 :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline boogs

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2359 on: July 11, 2013, 02:55:40 PM »
 lol: lol: lol: .....     ::)
You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it .

Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2360 on: July 11, 2013, 03:17:17 PM »
AFFS!

Online apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2361 on: July 11, 2013, 03:21:23 PM »

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2362 on: July 11, 2013, 03:37:53 PM »
AFFS!

Quite so Moaney... lucky we don't all have dementia eh...? ::)
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Online apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2363 on: July 11, 2013, 03:39:28 PM »
AFFS!

Quite so Moaney... lucky we don't all have dementia eh...? ::)

I SAID MAYBE.......... cussing:

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2364 on: July 11, 2013, 03:41:15 PM »
AFFS!

Quite so Moaney... lucky we don't all have dementia eh...? ::)

I SAID MAYBE.......... cussing:

Fresh from yer letterbox perhaps... on papyrus.... ::)
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2365 on: July 11, 2013, 05:31:48 PM »
 from "Ava" at somewhere else:


 A father put his three-year-old  daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers  which she ended by saying: "God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy,  God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa".

The father  asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
 
The next day Grandpa died.  The father thought it was a strange  coincidence.


A few months later the father put the girl to bed and  listened to her  prayers, which went like this
"God bless  Mummy, God Bless Daddy.  And good-bye Grandma."  The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my  gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the  other side... Several weeks later when the girl was going to  bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mummy and good-bye  Daddy.."

He practically went into shock. He  couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go  to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent  in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could  get by until
midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there,  drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every  sound. Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief  and went home.

When he got home his wife said,  "I've never seen you work so late, what's the  matter?"
 
He said, "I don't want to talk about  it. I've just spent the worst day of my life."



 She said, "You think you had a bad day.  You'll never believe what  happened to me...
this morning my  golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my  lesson!"
 



Likely an Affs but the search engine says not
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline boogs

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2366 on: July 11, 2013, 06:34:00 PM »
from "Ava" at somewhere else:


 A father put his three-year-old  daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers  which she ended by saying: "God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy,  God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa".

The father  asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
 
The next day Grandpa died.  The father thought it was a strange  coincidence.


A few months later the father put the girl to bed and  listened to her  prayers, which went like this
"God bless  Mummy, God Bless Daddy.  And good-bye Grandma."  The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my  gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the  other side... Several weeks later when the girl was going to  bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mummy and good-bye  Daddy.."

He practically went into shock. He  couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go  to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent  in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could  get by until
midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there,  drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every  sound. Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief  and went home.

When he got home his wife said,  "I've never seen you work so late, what's the  matter?"
 
He said, "I don't want to talk about  it. I've just spent the worst day of my life."



 She said, "You think you had a bad day.  You'll never believe what  happened to me...
this morning my  golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my  lesson!"
 



Likely an Affs but the search engine says not

 lol: lol: lol:
You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it .

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2367 on: July 11, 2013, 07:06:00 PM »
from "Ava" at somewhere else:


 A father put his three-year-old  daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers  which she ended by saying: "God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy,  God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa".

The father  asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
 
The next day Grandpa died.  The father thought it was a strange  coincidence.


A few months later the father put the girl to bed and  listened to her  prayers, which went like this
"God bless  Mummy, God Bless Daddy.  And good-bye Grandma."  The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my  gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the  other side... Several weeks later when the girl was going to  bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mummy and good-bye  Daddy.."

He practically went into shock. He  couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go  to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent  in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could  get by until
midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there,  drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every  sound. Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief  and went home.

When he got home his wife said,  "I've never seen you work so late, what's the  matter?"
 
He said, "I don't want to talk about  it. I've just spent the worst day of my life."



 She said, "You think you had a bad day.  You'll never believe what  happened to me...
this morning my  golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my  lesson!"
 



Likely an Affs but the search engine says not

(C) Dave Allen 1973  lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2368 on: July 11, 2013, 09:40:06 PM »
from "Ava" at somewhere else:


 A father put his three-year-old  daughter to bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers  which she ended by saying: "God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy,  God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa".

The father  asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
 
The next day Grandpa died.  The father thought it was a strange  coincidence.


A few months later the father put the girl to bed and  listened to her  prayers, which went like this
"God bless  Mummy, God Bless Daddy.  And good-bye Grandma."  The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my  gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the  other side... Several weeks later when the girl was going to  bed, the dad heard her say: "God bless Mummy and good-bye  Daddy.."

He practically went into shock. He  couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go  to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent  in, and watched the clock. He figured if he could  get by until
midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day, he stayed there,  drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every  sound. Finally midnight arrived. He breathed a sigh of relief  and went home.

When he got home his wife said,  "I've never seen you work so late, what's the  matter?"
 
He said, "I don't want to talk about  it. I've just spent the worst day of my life."



 She said, "You think you had a bad day.  You'll never believe what  happened to me...
this morning my  golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my  lesson!"
 



Likely an Affs but the search engine says not

(C) Dave Allen 1973  lol:

 noooo:

(C) Bob Hope 1956
I mostly despair

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2369 on: July 13, 2013, 06:20:32 AM »
I put a porno in the DVD, sat down to watch and it was just a picture of a fat bloke with his cock in his hand, then I realised I hadnt turned the telly on!
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie