Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

Might be an AFFS, but it is easier to post it:

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
 
"First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
is 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector" says the Coroner.
 
"Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it
all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
 
The Inspector asked, "What about the third body?"
 
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning."
 
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector
 
"He thought he was having his picture taken."

 

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

An email has flooded in containing this little gem!

<snigger>

[Barman]

An email has flooded in containing this little gem!

<snigger>

 

[Steve]

An email has flooded in containing this little gem!

<snigger>

 

(now in my Outbox)

[Barman]

She also put the milk in first! 

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

She also put the milk in first! 

Here we go again - he'll be on about spout filling next . . . .

[Barman]

She also put the milk in first! 

Here we go again - he'll be on about spout filling next . . . .

Her spout was filled with a tea bag! 

[Just One More]

An email has flooded in containing this little gem!

<snigger>

      

[apc2010]

A 16-year-old boy has been gored to death at a running-of-the-bulls festival celebrating the patron saint of a Spanish town, police say.........




Still a lot safer pastime than train spotting though...........

[Baldy]

A 16-year-old boy has been gored to death at a running-of-the-bulls festival celebrating the patron saint of a Spanish town, police say.........




Still a lot safer pastime than train spotting though...........

 

[Barman]

A 16-year-old boy has been gored to death at a running-of-the-bulls festival celebrating the patron saint of a Spanish town, police say.........




Still a lot safer pastime than train spotting though...........

 

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

YAEMFI -


I recently applied for a building permit for a new house.
 
It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide, with 9 gun turrets at various heights,
And windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system.

It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.
The City Council told me; "Forget it...AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"

So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a 'Mosque'.

Work starts on Monday.

I love this country. It's the Government I'm afraid of.

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

SMEMFI -

Health Information .
 
·        Do you have feelings of inadequacy ?
·        Do you suffer from shyness ?
·        Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive ?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon .
 
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had Stop hiding and start living.
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects
Side effects may include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:
·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher,   
          smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many people as you feel may benefit!
 
Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz ..

---------------------------------------------------------


A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women, from England , Wales, and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been fucked laddie?"
The man broke into a big smile and said, "No".
She said, "Aye, well ya will be when the tide comes in!"

[Baldy]

YAEMFI -


I recently applied for a building permit for a new house.
 
It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide, with 9 gun turrets at various heights,
And windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system.

It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.
The City Council told me; "Forget it...AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"

So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a 'Mosque'.

Work starts on Monday.

I love this country. It's the Government I'm afraid of.

 

[Barman]

SMEMFI -

Health Information .
 
·        Do you have feelings of inadequacy ?
·        Do you suffer from shyness ?
·        Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive ?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon .
 
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had Stop hiding and start living.
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects
Side effects may include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:
·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
·        The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher,   
          smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information with as many people as you feel may benefit!
 
Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz ..

---------------------------------------------------------


A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women, from England , Wales, and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been fucked laddie?"
The man broke into a big smile and said, "No".
She said, "Aye, well ya will be when the tide comes in!"