Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"

I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."

[Nick]

 

[Steve]

Star Wars creator George Lucas has become a father at 69.

I didn't think you could get a woman pregnant that way..........

 

[apc2010]

If online bullying has taught us anything.....





It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight........


 

[Baldy]

If online bullying has taught us anything.....





It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight........


 

 

[Barman]

If online bullying has taught us anything.....





It's that people would sooner hang themselves than lose a bit of weight........


 

[The Moan Ranger]

David Blaine and Dynamo walk into a bakery. Blaine palms 3 Doughnuts with one hand and puts them in his pocket without anyone noticing. He says, "Do you see how masterful I am Dynamo, I make doughnuts disappear at will!"

Dynamo responds, "Not bad, not bad at all."

Dynamo then goes to the Bakery owner and asks him if he wants to see a magic trick. The curious owner answers, "Of course!"
Dynamo asks him for a Doughnut, and then eats it. He asks him for another one, and eats that as well. He then asks him for a third one, which the owner reluctantly gives up.

"So where is the magic trick?" says the puzzled baker. I gave you 3 doughnuts already!"

Dynamo responds, "Go check David Blaine's pocket."

[Barman]

David Blaine and Dynamo walk into a bakery. Blaine palms 3 Doughnuts with one hand and puts them in his pocket without anyone noticing. He says, "Do you see how masterful I am Dynamo, I make doughnuts disappear at will!"

Dynamo responds, "Not bad, not bad at all."

Dynamo then goes to the Bakery owner and asks him if he wants to see a magic trick. The curious owner answers, "Of course!"
Dynamo asks him for a Doughnut, and then eats it. He asks him for another one, and eats that as well. He then asks him for a third one, which the owner reluctantly gives up.

"So where is the magic trick?" says the puzzled baker. I gave you 3 doughnuts already!"

Dynamo responds, "Go check David Blaine's pocket."

 

[Baldy]

David Blaine and Dynamo walk into a bakery. Blaine palms 3 Doughnuts with one hand and puts them in his pocket without anyone noticing. He says, "Do you see how masterful I am Dynamo, I make doughnuts disappear at will!"

Dynamo responds, "Not bad, not bad at all."

Dynamo then goes to the Bakery owner and asks him if he wants to see a magic trick. The curious owner answers, "Of course!"
Dynamo asks him for a Doughnut, and then eats it. He asks him for another one, and eats that as well. He then asks him for a third one, which the owner reluctantly gives up.

"So where is the magic trick?" says the puzzled baker. I gave you 3 doughnuts already!"

Dynamo responds, "Go check David Blaine's pocket."

 

[apc2010]

I stopped a guy in the street and said, "Can you help me? I'm looking for a rubbish tip."



He said, "Liverpool to win the Premiership."...........

[Baldy]

I stopped a guy in the street and said, "Can you help me? I'm looking for a rubbish tip."



He said, "Liverpool to win the Premiership."...........

 

[Barman]

I stopped a guy in the street and said, "Can you help me? I'm looking for a rubbish tip."



He said, "Liverpool to win the Premiership."...........

 

[boogs]

 
 
5 surgeons!

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from Glasgow, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Cardiff, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from York, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Birmingham chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from London, shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.  There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.
 
 


 
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[boogs]

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
 Dear Wife,
 I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

 Your EX-Husband

 P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to France together! Have a great life!

 Dear Ex-Husband
 Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed £50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

 Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

 P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem

[Barman]

AFFS...