Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 793438 times)

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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2520 on: August 19, 2013, 07:08:38 PM »
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:-
 
"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
 
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline boogs

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2521 on: August 19, 2013, 07:12:32 PM »
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:-
 
"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
 
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"

 angel1
You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it .

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2522 on: August 19, 2013, 07:18:51 PM »
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:-
 
"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
 
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"

 lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2523 on: August 19, 2013, 08:47:00 PM »
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:-
 
"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
 
The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"

 lol: lol: lol: lol:

Offline boogs

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2524 on: August 20, 2013, 03:27:22 PM »
Sex After Surgery
 
A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has failed in her attempt to sue St Luke's hospital, saying that  after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
 
A hospital spokesman replied ... "Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight." 
You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it .

Offline boogs

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2525 on: August 20, 2013, 03:29:24 PM »

Pished 'n swished in Glasgae
 
A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgae, worried about her husband's temper
and threatening manner.
 
The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?
The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do.  Every time
ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'."
 
The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that.  When your
husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start
swishing it in your mouth.  Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until
he goes to bed and is sound asleep."
 
Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
She says: "Doctor that was brilliant!  Evrae time ma hubbie came
home drunk, I swished with water.  I swished an' swished, and he didnae
touch me even once!
 
Tell me Doc...wha's the secret?  How's the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret.  The water does
bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."

 
 
You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it .

Offline boogs

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2526 on: August 20, 2013, 03:31:16 PM »
A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"

"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".

"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.

"In the park just down the road" she replied.

"Can you describe what happened?"

"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there,
removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".

"Could you give me a description of him?"

"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees,
one on each leg".

"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.

"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".

“That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"

"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".
 
 
 
 
You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it .

Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2527 on: August 20, 2013, 03:39:34 PM »

Pished 'n swished in Glasgae
 
A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgae, worried about her husband's temper
and threatening manner.
 
The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?
The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do.  Every time
ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'."
 
The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that.  When your
husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start
swishing it in your mouth.  Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until
he goes to bed and is sound asleep."
 
Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
She says: "Doctor that was brilliant!  Evrae time ma hubbie came
home drunk, I swished with water.  I swished an' swished, and he didnae
touch me even once!
 
Tell me Doc...wha's the secret?  How's the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "Janet hen, it's really nae big secret.  The water does
bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."

 ;D ;D ;D

Many a true word...

Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2528 on: August 20, 2013, 03:40:01 PM »
A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"

"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".

"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.

"In the park just down the road" she replied.

"Can you describe what happened?"

"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there,
removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".

"Could you give me a description of him?"

"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees,
one on each leg".

"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.

"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".

“That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"

"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".

 ;D ;D ;D ;D

Offline boogs

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2529 on: August 20, 2013, 03:47:52 PM »
Prior to her wedding to Prince Charles, Camilla bought a new pair of shoes which got increasingly tighter & tighter as the day went on. That night after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles had retired
back to their room. Camilla flopped on the bed and said, "Please
remove my shoes darling, one's feet are killing one."

Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour but it would not budge.

"Harder", yelled Camilla.

"Harder?", Charles yelled back, "I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on give it all you've got", she cried.

Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed, "Oh God, that feels so good"'

In their bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said, "See, I told you she would still be a virgin with a face like that!"

Meanwhile, back in the other bedroom, Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out, "Oh God darling, this one's even tighter"

At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen, "That's my boy; once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it .

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2530 on: August 20, 2013, 06:35:39 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2531 on: August 20, 2013, 08:04:59 PM »
happy001 happy001 happy001  to all 4 from Boogs ^   :thumbsup:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2532 on: August 20, 2013, 09:45:15 PM »
happy001 happy001 happy001  to all 4 from Boogs ^   :thumbsup:
:thumbsup:  lol: lol: lol:


I mostly despair

Offline boogs

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2533 on: August 21, 2013, 02:46:42 PM »
  The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment,
Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said,
'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until
a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was BlueBird's cousin,
was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day,
made love to her all night,
made love to her all the next day,
made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
 
 
 
 
Why ???
 
 
 
 
OH, come on... take a guess !!!
 
 
 
 
Think about it !!!
 
 
 
 
You're going to love this !!!
 
 
 
 
Everyone knows...
 
You can't kill Two Birds
 
with OneStone!!!
 

 

 

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You only get one chance at this life so make the most of it .

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #2534 on: August 21, 2013, 02:47:55 PM »
 noooo: