Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.
A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.
Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.
Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary)
Got stopped in the street outside a pharmacy today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".
Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!
Got a new Jack Russell puppy today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Detroit.
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.
I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweat shops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers the little bastards deserved it!
When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.
