Fresh from the Inbox

[Nick]

I'd rather have a French widow in every room 

[Barman]

An email has flooded in to my YAHOO MAIL account BT flavour . . . . .



Subject: Beijing English - Chinese hotel brochure .......


 
 
 A friend went to in Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.




Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore.  Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water.  You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend.  The manager will await you in the entrance hall.  He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome.  We of course are always pleased to accept adultery.  Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.  Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.  But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar.  We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting.  At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts.  In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition.  If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid.  Please take advantage of her.  She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear.  If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope.  You will struggle to forget it."

 

[boogs]

An email has flooded in to my YAHOO MAIL account BT flavour . . . . .



Subject: Beijing English - Chinese hotel brochure .......


 
 
 A friend went to in Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.




Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore.  Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water.  You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend.  The manager will await you in the entrance hall.  He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome.  We of course are always pleased to accept adultery.  Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.  Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.  But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar.  We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting.  At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts.  In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition.  If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid.  Please take advantage of her.  She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear.  If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above all:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope.  You will struggle to forget it."

     

[Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)]

Yet another YAHOO email floods in.  (        BM     )


Subject: Fw: HOW MANY DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? | TROPFEST AUSTRALIA

 
HOW MANY MORE DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? | TROPFEST AUSTRALIA
 
http://tropfest.com/au/2012/02/04/how-many-more-doctors-does-it-take-to-change-a-lightbulb/
 
 

[Barman]

Yet another YAHOO email floods in.  (        BM     )


Subject: Fw: HOW MANY DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? | TROPFEST AUSTRALIA

 
HOW MANY MORE DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? | TROPFEST AUSTRALIA
 
http://tropfest.com/au/2012/02/04/how-many-more-doctors-does-it-take-to-change-a-lightbulb/

Mail now working thanks for your concern.... 

[Darwins Selection]

Yet another YAHOO email floods in.  (        BM     )


Subject: Fw: HOW MANY DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? | TROPFEST AUSTRALIA

 
HOW MANY MORE DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB? | TROPFEST AUSTRALIA
 
http://tropfest.com/au/2012/02/04/how-many-more-doctors-does-it-take-to-change-a-lightbulb/

Mail now working thanks for your concern.... 

So it was PICNIC then. 

[Nick]

Sure it is an AFFS, but why the hell not? 

Armageddon!!... the gerbil

[Just One More]

 

[Just One More]

Sure it is an AFFS, but why the hell not? 

Jonathan Agnew (Aggers) & Brian Johnston - Test Match Special Legover outtake

 

[apc2010]

After being found not guilty, Michael LeVell said he was always confident in court..........

He had an audience of 12...........

[Barman]

After being found not guilty, Michael LeVell said he was always confident in court..........

He had an audience of 12...........

 

[Baldy]

After being found not guilty, Michael LeVell said he was always confident in court..........

He had an audience of 12...........

 

[The Moan Ranger]

When The Hulk goes off into a vicious rage and destroys everything, he's "Incredible."

But when I do it,

I'm, "an alcoholic."

[The Moan Ranger]

An African lady called Betty came into my restaurant and asked "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."




(Free ear worm  )

[Barman]