Just been sent a load of Christmas stuff
Santa Pick-Up Lines
1. Hey babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
3. I've got something special in the sack for you!
4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
5. I know when you've been bad or good - so let's skip the small talk, sister!
6. Some of my best toys run on batteries... (wink, wink)
7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it ...)
8. I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
9. What's a nice girl like you doing on a naughty list like this?
10. The whip ain't just for the reindeer, sweetcheeks.
11. Bet I can make you a believer again.
12. You know, I only come once a year, and I'd hate to waste it on an unconscious Britney like last year.
13. How'd you like to get all harnessed-up, you little Vixen?
14. Whattaya say, babe -- you, me, a rooftop and a nice chilled bottle of 2% lowfat?
15. Ho, ho, ho -- ho!
16. Come sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want. Then you can sit on Santa's face and give him what *he* wants.
17. Wanna feel the Christmas spirit inside you?
18. My 'bowl full of jelly'? It's that K-Y warming stuff.
19. Who's your daddy? That's right: Father Christmas!
20. You know, after staring at reindeer butt all night, yours looks especially appealing.
21. Honey, you could even say it glows.
22. Big Daddy Claus da the house! Now your stockings aren't the only things by the chimney that are hung!
23. Forget the cookies and milk. Can I have a go at your cupcakes?
24. Technically, I'm not allowed to leave your house until I've properly
stuffed *all* your stockings.
25. Wanna get sleighed?
26. Baby, I'll take you 'round-the-world tonight if I can get you into the sack.
27. Well, what do you know... there *is* a creature stirring.
28. Lady, with your smile so bright, won't you be my lay tonight?
SANTA IS INVADING YOUR TOWN
You better break out
The Bourbon and Rye
Tequila and Gin
I'm telling you why
Santa is invading your town
He sees you when you're naked
And when you're smoking pot
And when you're masturbating
Ev'n when you cop a squat,
so: You better break out
The Bourbon and Rye
Tequila and Gin
I'm telling you why
Santa is invading your town
Santa is invading your town
LET IT FLOW (tune of "Let It Snow")
The weather outside is frightful, but the beer inside's delightful.
And since we've no place to go,
Let it Flow, Let it Flow, Let it Flow!
Oh we show no signs of stopping, and now we're really buzzing.
And the lights are turned way down low.
Let it Flow, Let it Flow. Let it Flow!!
When we finally drink it dry, how we hate going back to the store.
Maybe we'll all get high, and all fall asleep on the floor!!
Oh the party is slowly dying.
And our friends have all stopped buying.
Now my bladder really wants to know.
Where to go, Where to go, Where to go???
FROSTY THE COKEHEAD
Frosty the cokehead was a crazed neurotic soul,
With a big glass pipe and a vial of coke,
And no sense of self control.
There must have been some poison in that last dime bag he got,
For when he took his first big hit he dropped dead on the spot.
Frosty the cokehead doesn't worry anymore,
Cuz when all is said, and you're cold and dead,
Then you never have to score
