Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons.

"My son was born on St George’s Day,” commented the English man. “So we obviously decided to call him George”

“That’s a real coincidence,” remarked the Scot. “My son was born on St Andrew’s Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew.”

"That’s incredible, what a coincidence, "said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son, Pancake."

[apc2010]

Brenda make an appointment to see her doctor, because she is worried
about her husband's bad temper.
Doctor Thomas asks: "What's the problem?"
Brenda says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband
Jimmy seems to lose his temper for no reason. It's beginning to scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that Jimmy
is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it
in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he
either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later Brenda returns to the doctor looking fresh and happy.
Brenda says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and
swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"



Dr Thomas says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your
mouth shut that does the trick...............

[Barman]

Brenda make an appointment to see her doctor, because she is worried
about her husband's bad temper.
Doctor Thomas asks: "What's the problem?"
Brenda says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband
Jimmy seems to lose his temper for no reason. It's beginning to scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that Jimmy
is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it
in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he
either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later Brenda returns to the doctor looking fresh and happy.
Brenda says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and
swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"



Dr Thomas says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your
mouth shut that does the trick...............

 

[Baldy]

The Duke of Cambridge is causing controversy in Wellington over the choice of an unsafe baby car seat..............




To be fair his mother didn't even know how to put on a seatbelt...........

 

[Baldy]

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons.

"My son was born on St George’s Day,” commented the English man. “So we obviously decided to call him George”

“That’s a real coincidence,” remarked the Scot. “My son was born on St Andrew’s Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew.”

"That’s incredible, what a coincidence, "said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son, Pancake."

Hat...coat thread. 

[Baldy]

Brenda make an appointment to see her doctor, because she is worried
about her husband's bad temper.
Doctor Thomas asks: "What's the problem?"
Brenda says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband
Jimmy seems to lose his temper for no reason. It's beginning to scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that Jimmy
is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it
in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he
either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later Brenda returns to the doctor looking fresh and happy.
Brenda says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and
swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"



Dr Thomas says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your
mouth shut that does the trick...............

Might be an AFFS? 

[Darwins Selection]

Brenda make an appointment to see her doctor, because she is worried
about her husband's bad temper.
Doctor Thomas asks: "What's the problem?"
Brenda says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband
Jimmy seems to lose his temper for no reason. It's beginning to scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that Jimmy
is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it
in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he
either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later Brenda returns to the doctor looking fresh and happy.
Brenda says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my
husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and
swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"



Dr Thomas says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your
mouth shut that does the trick...............

Might be an AFFS? 

Les Dawson, circa 1960.

Still works though.

[Uncle Mort]

I was at the bar the other night and overheard  three very hefty women
talking  at the bar. Their accent appeared  to be Scottish, so I approached  and asked, "Hello, are  you three lassies from Scotland ?"

One of them angrily  screeched,

"It's  Wales , Wales, you bloody idiot!"

So  I apologized and replied, "I  am so sorry. Are you three whales
from  Scotland ?"

And that's the last thing I  remember.

[Barman]

I was at the bar the other night and overheard  three very hefty women
talking  at the bar. Their accent appeared  to be Scottish, so I approached  and asked, "Hello, are  you three lassies from Scotland ?"

One of them angrily  screeched,

"It's  Wales , Wales, you bloody idiot!"

So  I apologized and replied, "I  am so sorry. Are you three whales
from  Scotland ?"

And that's the last thing I  remember.

 

[apc2010]

If Oscar Pistorius is convicted of murdering his girlfriend he'll probably find out what it like to be done in the shitter himself........

Ironic.......

[Barman]

If Oscar Pistorius is convicted of murdering his girlfriend he'll probably find out what it like to be done in the shitter himself........

Ironic.......

[Baldy]

If Oscar Pistorius is convicted of murdering his girlfriend he'll probably find out what it like to be done in the shitter himself........

Ironic.......

 

[apc2010]

UKIP have made enquiries about hiring David Moyes..........



His experience at getting out of Europe has piqued their interest.......

[Baldy]

UKIP have made enquiries about hiring David Moyes..........



His experience at getting out of Europe has piqued their interest.......

 

[Steve]

UKIP have made enquiries about hiring David Moyes..........



His experience at getting out of Europe has piqued their interest.......