Fresh from the Inbox

[apc2010]

Ed Miliband walks into a bank to CASH a cheque. “Good morning”, says Ed, “could you please cash this cheque for me?”
CASHIER: “It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?”

Miliband: “Truthfully… I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. But hang on! I’m Ed Miliband, Leader of the Opposition and of the Labour Party!!!”
CASHIER: ““Yes Sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers etc, I must insist on seeing some identification”.

Miliband: “Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!”
CASHIER: “I’m sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them”.

Miliband: “I am urging you please, to cash this cheque for me”.
CASHIER: “Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without any ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup. With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomery and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.


Ed Miliband stood there thinking and thinking and then finally says, “To be honest, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing that I’m any good at.”

CASHIER: “Will it be large or small notes you require Mr Miliband?

 

but an AFFS.......I think.......

[Barman]

Ed Miliband walks into a bank to CASH a cheque. “Good morning”, says Ed, “could you please cash this cheque for me?”
CASHIER: “It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?”

Miliband: “Truthfully… I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. But hang on! I’m Ed Miliband, Leader of the Opposition and of the Labour Party!!!”
CASHIER: ““Yes Sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers etc, I must insist on seeing some identification”.

Miliband: “Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!”
CASHIER: “I’m sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them”.

Miliband: “I am urging you please, to cash this cheque for me”.
CASHIER: “Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without any ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup. With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomery and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.


Ed Miliband stood there thinking and thinking and then finally says, “To be honest, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing that I’m any good at.”

CASHIER: “Will it be large or small notes you require Mr Miliband?

 

[Darwins Selection]

Ed Miliband walks into a bank to CASH a cheque. “Good morning”, says Ed, “could you please cash this cheque for me?”
CASHIER: “It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?”

Miliband: “Truthfully… I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. But hang on! I’m Ed Miliband, Leader of the Opposition and of the Labour Party!!!”
CASHIER: ““Yes Sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers etc, I must insist on seeing some identification”.

Miliband: “Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!”
CASHIER: “I’m sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them”.

Miliband: “I am urging you please, to cash this cheque for me”.
CASHIER: “Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without any ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup. With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomery and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.


Ed Miliband stood there thinking and thinking and then finally says, “To be honest, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing that I’m any good at.”

CASHIER: “Will it be large or small notes you require Mr Miliband?

 

[Nick]

A curiosity hangs by the thigh of a man, under its master's cloak. It is pierced through in the front; it is stiff and hard and it has a good standing-place. When the man pulls up his own robe above his knee, he means to poke with the head of his hanging thing that familiar hole of matching length which he has often filled before.


 

[Barman]

A curiosity hangs by the thigh of a man, under its master's cloak. It is pierced through in the front; it is stiff and hard and it has a good standing-place. When the man pulls up his own robe above his knee, he means to poke with the head of his hanging thing that familiar hole of matching length which he has often filled before.


 

 

[Darwins Selection]

A curiosity hangs by the thigh of a man, under its master's cloak. It is pierced through in the front; it is stiff and hard and it has a good standing-place. When the man pulls up his own robe above his knee, he means to poke with the head of his hanging thing that familiar hole of matching length which he has often filled before.


 

Much funnier in the original tongue. 

"Mae chwilfrydedd yn hongian gan y glun o ddyn , o dan glogyn ei meistr . Mae'n cael ei dyllu drwy'r yn y blaen ; ei bod yn stiff ac yn galed ac mae ganddo statws - lle da . Pan fydd y dyn yn tynnu i fyny ei wisg ei hun uwchben ei ben-glin , mae'n ei olygu i brocio gyda'r pennaeth ei beth hongian y twll cyfarwydd o hyd paru mae ef yn aml wedi llenwi o'r blaen ."

[Barman]

A curiosity hangs by the thigh of a man, under its master's cloak. It is pierced through in the front; it is stiff and hard and it has a good standing-place. When the man pulls up his own robe above his knee, he means to poke with the head of his hanging thing that familiar hole of matching length which he has often filled before.


 

Much funnier in the original tongue. 

"Mae chwilfrydedd yn hongian gan y glun o ddyn , o dan glogyn ei meistr . Mae'n cael ei dyllu drwy'r yn y blaen ; ei bod yn stiff ac yn galed ac mae ganddo statws - lle da . Pan fydd y dyn yn tynnu i fyny ei wisg ei hun uwchben ei ben-glin , mae'n ei olygu i brocio gyda'r pennaeth ei beth hongian y twll cyfarwydd o hyd paru mae ef yn aml wedi llenwi o'r blaen ."

 

[Nick]

I agree Mr Darwin, sir, but I feared that BM and one or two others of the cerebrally challenged would struggle to unlock the meaning 

[Barman]

I agree Mr Darwin, sir, but I feared that BM and one or two others of the cerebrally challenged would struggle to unlock the meaning 

My stepfather was from Merthyr Tydfil...

[Nick]

My sympathies

[Steve]

I agree Mr Darwin, sir, but I feared that BM and one or two others of the cerebrally challenged would struggle to unlock the meaning 

it wasn't exactly more than a wanker's ramblings whatever language you put it in

My stepfather was from Merthyr Tydfil...

An escapee!  One of the few to make it.  Which tunnel was he in, Tom, Dick or Harry?

[Barman]

I agree Mr Darwin, sir, but I feared that BM and one or two others of the cerebrally challenged would struggle to unlock the meaning 

it wasn't exactly more than a wanker's ramblings whatever language you put it in

My stepfather was from Merthyr Tydfil...

An escapee!  One of the few to make it.  Which tunnel was he in, Tom, Dick or Harry?

 

Apparently (or so he claimed), the careers advice when it came to leaving school was 'you'll be going down the pits'..... 

...he said that he replied "I bloody won't sir!". He left Merthyr and got a job at Mars in Slough where he worked until he retired....

[Steve]

good for him 

[Nick]

Merthyr Tydfil to Slough 

[Steve]

Merthyr Tydfil to Slough 

There are some very interesting things to see in Merthyr Tydfil.  Well as long as the cinema is still showing Fifty Shades and American Sniper that is.