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Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 790333 times)

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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3795 on: September 06, 2015, 08:45:18 PM »
There's definitely a stigma attached to buying flowers, I thought to myself at the checkout.

"Oh, you," said the cashier, rolling her eyes. "What have you done?"

"Killed a cyclist," I replied.

 ;D ;D ;D

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3796 on: September 06, 2015, 08:56:03 PM »
There's definitely a stigma attached to buying flowers, I thought to myself at the checkout.

"Oh, you," said the cashier, rolling her eyes. "What have you done?"

"Killed a cyclist," I replied.

 ;D ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3797 on: September 08, 2015, 10:46:38 AM »
Have we done this one before?  Would I know as I failed.  Banghead

Your Yearly Dementia Test
(only 4 questions)


Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test.

Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take this test to determine if you're losing it or not.

The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.




#1. What do you put in a toaster?









Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else. And, try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question #2.

#2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?







Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.

Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women’s Weekly or Auto World. However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.



#3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?








Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this? PLEASE, go lie down!



But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.




#4. Do not use a calculator for this:

You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia .
In Staten Island , 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Windsor , 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Trenton , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden , 6 people get off and 3 get on.

You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.


Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?








Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!






Don't you remember your own age? It was YOU driving the bus!


Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3798 on: September 08, 2015, 11:09:05 AM »
Have we done this one before?  Would I know as I failed.  Banghead

Your Yearly Dementia Test
(only 4 questions)


Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test.

Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take this test to determine if you're losing it or not.

The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.




#1. What do you put in a toaster?









Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else. And, try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question #2.

#2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?







Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.

Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women’s Weekly or Auto World. However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.



#3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?








Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this? PLEASE, go lie down!



But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.




#4. Do not use a calculator for this:

You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia .
In Staten Island , 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Windsor , 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Trenton , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden , 6 people get off and 3 get on.

You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.


Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?








Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!






Don't you remember your own age? It was YOU driving the bus!

 point:
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Online Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3799 on: September 08, 2015, 02:40:56 PM »
I said milk  redface:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3800 on: September 08, 2015, 10:03:18 PM »
BBC News:

Three Welshmen not making the Rugby World Cup, after an ankle strike, a knee strike and a drone strike ruled each of them out respectfully........


Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3801 on: September 08, 2015, 10:06:08 PM »
Bob Geldof says he'll open his home to four refugee families...

With his record........



I think I'd rather risk a dinghy with forty others....... noooo:


Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3802 on: September 08, 2015, 10:32:54 PM »
BBC News:

Three Welshmen not making the Rugby World Cup, after an ankle strike, a knee strike and a drone strike ruled each of them out respectfully........
Bob Geldof says he'll open his home to four refugee families...

With his record........



I think I'd rather risk a dinghy with forty others....... noooo:


lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3803 on: September 09, 2015, 05:49:47 AM »
Bob Geldof says he'll open his home to four refugee families...

With his record........



I think I'd rather risk a dinghy with forty others....... noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3804 on: September 13, 2015, 09:15:22 PM »
Whilst strolling round the Harbour this morning about 11am., I noticed this character shouting "Allah be praised" and "Death to all infidels" and suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.


Being a responsible  citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the Coastguard, the Immigration Office and even the Fire Dept.


It is now 4pm., the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities have yet to respond.
 
I'm starting to think I wasted four stamps.
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3805 on: September 13, 2015, 09:52:21 PM »
After landing my new job as a B&Q greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to B&Q."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be effing stupid. Of course they aren't twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at B&Q."







My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3806 on: September 14, 2015, 10:47:17 AM »
Whilst strolling round the Harbour this morning about 11am., I noticed this character shouting "Allah be praised" and "Death to all infidels" and suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown.


Being a responsible  citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the Coastguard, the Immigration Office and even the Fire Dept.


It is now 4pm., the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities have yet to respond.
 
I'm starting to think I wasted four stamps.
drumroll: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Online Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3807 on: September 14, 2015, 01:19:15 PM »


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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3808 on: September 14, 2015, 01:21:22 PM »
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Online Nick

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