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Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 789996 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3990 on: March 07, 2016, 06:09:29 PM »
Quote from: Steve on March 07, 2016, 06:02:57 PM
A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. Unfortunately, all the Catholic facilities were completely full so they had
to put him in a Protestant home. After a few weeks in the new facility, they came to visit their abuelo.

"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.

"It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.

"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone."

"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile. "There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him "Maestro". 'Ha Ha Ha. lovely people everyone of them'


"There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him "Your Honour".
'Ha Ha Ha. so lovely'


"And there's a physician here that is 90 years old. He hasn't practiced medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him "Doctor"
'Ha ha Ha, so lovely'


"And me, I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Mexican"! 'Ha Ha Ha. see what I mean'


 facepalm:

 ;D
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3991 on: March 07, 2016, 08:58:17 PM »
An old Muslim is dying, so just to hedge his bets, he converts to Christianity. A few days later, he shuffles off the old mortal coil and queues up at the pearly gates. St Peter looks at him and asks what the bloody hell is he doing there. The old man replies that he has "Come for Jesus". St Peter scratches his beard and after a short pause shouts, "Oy Jesus, have you ordered a taxi?"

 redface:
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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3992 on: March 07, 2016, 09:58:15 PM »
Quote from: Steve on March 07, 2016, 08:58:17 PM
An old Muslim is dying, so just to hedge his bets, he converts to Christianity. A few days later, he shuffles off the old mortal coil and queues up at the pearly gates. St Peter looks at him and asks what the bloody hell is he doing there. The old man replies that he has "Come for Jesus". St Peter scratches his beard and after a short pause shouts, "Oy Jesus, have you ordered a taxi?"

 redface:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3993 on: March 08, 2016, 06:18:28 AM »
Quote from: Steve on March 07, 2016, 08:58:17 PM
An old Muslim is dying, so just to hedge his bets, he converts to Christianity. A few days later, he shuffles off the old mortal coil and queues up at the pearly gates. St Peter looks at him and asks what the bloody hell is he doing there. The old man replies that he has "Come for Jesus". St Peter scratches his beard and after a short pause shouts, "Oy Jesus, have you ordered a taxi?"

 redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3994 on: March 08, 2016, 02:24:38 PM »
Quote from: Steve on March 07, 2016, 08:58:17 PM
An old Muslim is dying, so just to hedge his bets, he converts to Christianity. A few days later, he shuffles off the old mortal coil and queues up at the pearly gates. St Peter looks at him and asks what the bloody hell is he doing there. The old man replies that he has "Come for Jesus". St Peter scratches his beard and after a short pause shouts, "Oy Jesus, have you ordered a taxi?"

 redface:

 ;D ;D ;D
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3995 on: March 10, 2016, 12:45:16 PM »
This chappie dies and goes to heaven. St Peter greets him at the pearly gates and gets an assistant to show him around the place. After the quick tour, the guide sorts him out with some transport. He takes him over to a nice Range rover and tells him "This is yours. Transport is allocated in relation to how you have behaved in the past life. You have been a really decent sort of chap, so you get a nice motor like this." Just then, someone drives past in a Bugatti Veron. "They must have led an exceptional life?" comments the chappie. "Yes, that's Mother Theresa. The better you have behaved in the previous life, the better the transport provided." Just as the guide is explaining this, a Catholic priest trundles past on roller skates.
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3996 on: March 10, 2016, 01:06:51 PM »
Quote from: Steve on March 10, 2016, 12:45:16 PM
This chappie dies and goes to heaven. St Peter greets him at the pearly gates and gets an assistant to show him around the place. After the quick tour, the guide sorts him out with some transport. He takes him over to a nice Range rover and tells him "This is yours. Transport is allocated in relation to how you have behaved in the past life. You have been a really decent sort of chap, so you get a nice motor like this." Just then, someone drives past in a Bugatti Veron. "They must have led an exceptional life?" comments the chappie. "Yes, that's Mother Theresa. The better you have behaved in the previous life, the better the transport provided." Just as the guide is explaining this, a Catholic priest trundles past on roller skates.

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3997 on: March 11, 2016, 08:02:50 PM »
Quote from: Barman on March 10, 2016, 01:06:51 PM
Quote from: Steve on March 10, 2016, 12:45:16 PM
This chappie dies and goes to heaven. St Peter greets him at the pearly gates and gets an assistant to show him around the place. After the quick tour, the guide sorts him out with some transport. He takes him over to a nice Range rover and tells him "This is yours. Transport is allocated in relation to how you have behaved in the past life. You have been a really decent sort of chap, so you get a nice motor like this." Just then, someone drives past in a Bugatti Veron. "They must have led an exceptional life?" comments the chappie. "Yes, that's Mother Theresa. The better you have behaved in the previous life, the better the transport provided." Just as the guide is explaining this, a Catholic priest trundles past on roller skates.

 lol: lol: lol:

 Thumbs:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3998 on: March 14, 2016, 05:09:26 PM »
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #3999 on: March 14, 2016, 05:12:37 PM »
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4000 on: March 14, 2016, 05:13:20 PM »
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4001 on: March 14, 2016, 05:14:09 PM »
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4002 on: March 14, 2016, 05:16:30 PM »
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4003 on: March 14, 2016, 05:18:30 PM »
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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4004 on: March 14, 2016, 05:19:29 PM »
Living with Foggy must do that to a man  noooo:
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