Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

Four old retired guys are walking down Queens street in Morecambe.......
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 pence." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true. The old
bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be,
gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a Beer
with a whiskey chaser . In no time the bartender
serves up four beers & whiskey chasers - and
says, "That'll be 20 pence each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 20 pence finish their drinks and order another round.
Again, four excellent cool beers 7 chasers are produced, with the bartender again > saying, "That's 20 pence, please." They pay the 20 pence, but their curiosity gets the better of
them. They've each had two beers with chasers and haven't even spent a Quid yet Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve beers with chasers as good as these for a few pence apiece?" "I'm a retired tailor from Preston ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar.
Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for £125 million and
decided to come to the seaside & open this place. Every drink costs 10 pence . Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them
sip at their Drinks, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says,

"They're retired people from Yorkshire They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

 

Yorkshire or it is LL's Sister's partner.... 

[Darwins Selection]

Four old retired guys are walking down Queens street in Morecambe.......
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 pence." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true. The old
bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be,
gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a Beer
with a whiskey chaser . In no time the bartender
serves up four beers & whiskey chasers - and
says, "That'll be 20 pence each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 20 pence finish their drinks and order another round.
Again, four excellent cool beers 7 chasers are produced, with the bartender again > saying, "That's 20 pence, please." They pay the 20 pence, but their curiosity gets the better of
them. They've each had two beers with chasers and haven't even spent a Quid yet Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve beers with chasers as good as these for a few pence apiece?" "I'm a retired tailor from Preston ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar.
Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for £125 million and
decided to come to the seaside & open this place. Every drink costs 10 pence . Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them
sip at their Drinks, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says,

"They're retired people from Yorkshire They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

 

Yorkshire or it is LL's Sister's partner.... 

[Steve]

I'm not saying people in my area have bad teeth, but one woman just smiled in Tesco and the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans

[Barman]

I'm not saying people in my area have bad teeth, but one woman just smiled in Tesco and the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans

 

[Nick]

 

[Just One More]

Four old retired guys are walking down Queens street in Morecambe.......
They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 pence." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true. The old
bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be,
gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a Beer
with a whiskey chaser . In no time the bartender
serves up four beers & whiskey chasers - and
says, "That'll be 20 pence each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 20 pence finish their drinks and order another round.
Again, four excellent cool beers 7 chasers are produced, with the bartender again > saying, "That's 20 pence, please." They pay the 20 pence, but their curiosity gets the better of
them. They've each had two beers with chasers and haven't even spent a Quid yet Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve beers with chasers as good as these for a few pence apiece?" "I'm a retired tailor from Preston ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar.
Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for £125 million and
decided to come to the seaside & open this place. Every drink costs 10 pence . Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them
sip at their Drinks, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says,

"They're retired people from Yorkshire They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

 

Yorkshire or it is LL's Sister's partner.... 

      

[Just One More]

A man murders his wife and chops the body up and puts the body parts in bin bags. Just then the bin men arrive and start throwing the bin bags into the bin wagon; the bloke shuts the door and thinks to himself '' I've got away with this! ''

Then there's a knock on the door and when the bloke opens it there's a bin man who says; '' have you got a fresh bin bag, the arse has fell out of this one!"

[Barman]

A man murders his wife and chops the body up and puts the body parts in bin bags. Just then the bin men arrive and start throwing the bin bags into the bin wagon; the bloke shuts the door and thinks to himself '' I've got away with this! ''

Then there's a knock on the door and when the bloke opens it there's a bin man who says; '' have you got a fresh bin bag, the arse has fell out of this one!"

 

[Steve]

A man murders his wife and chops the body up and puts the body parts in bin bags. Just then the bin men arrive and start throwing the bin bags into the bin wagon; the bloke shuts the door and thinks to himself '' I've got away with this! ''

Then there's a knock on the door and when the bloke opens it there's a bin man who says; '' have you got a fresh bin bag, the arse has fell out of this one!"

 

[Barman]

Baldrick: "What I want to know, Sir is, before there was a Euro there
were lots of different types of money that different people used. And
now there's only one type of money that
the foreign people use. And what I want to know is, how did we get from
one state of affairs to the other state of affairs"
Blackadder: "Baldrick. Do you mean, how did the Euro start?"
Baldrick: "Yes Sir"

Blackadder: "We...ll, you see Baldrick, back in the 1980s there were
many different countries all running their own finances and using
different types of money. On one side you had the major economies of
France, Belgium,Holland and Germany, and on the other, the weaker
nations of Spain, Greece, Ireland, Italy and Portugal. They got together
and decided that it would be much easier for everyone if they could all
use the same money, have one Central Bank, and belong to one large club
where everyone would be happy. This meant that there could never be a
situation whereby financial meltdown would lead to social unrest, wars
and crises".
Baldrick: "But this is sort of a crisis, isn't it Sir?".
Blackadder: "That's right Baldrick. You see, there was only one slight flaw with the plan".
Baldrick: "What was that then, Sir?"
Blackadder: "It was bollocks".

[Steve]

I picked up a hitchiker last night.
He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger late at night and asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up?
How do you know I am not a serial killer?
I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car are astronomical.

[Barman]

I picked up a hitchiker last night.
He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger late at night and asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up?
How do you know I am not a serial killer?
I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car are astronomical.

 

[Steve]

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dee ye hev any books on suicide?'
 
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!

[Barman]

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dee ye hev any books on suicide?'
 
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!

 

[apc2010]

I picked up a hitchiker last night.
He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger late at night and asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up?
How do you know I am not a serial killer?
I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car are astronomical.